


Hedgehog Day

by LindenDrive



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magic, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Groundhog Day, Science Fiction & Fantasy, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2019-10-22 18:48:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17668112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LindenDrive/pseuds/LindenDrive
Summary: At the end of every hour, an unknown explosion tears through Red Velvet's apartment, killing every one inside. Only for time to loop back and bring the five back to life, just to die again when the hour is up. Kim Yerim is the only one with awareness and memory of the time loops, so it's up to her to save her unnies in this Groundhog day and Legends of Tomorrow AU, set in the Peekaboo and RBB universe.Cross-posted on AFF.





	1. Chapter I

**Author's Note:**

> Hey you and thanks for stopping by to give this fic a chance!
> 
> Mostly I lurk on around these parts, but it's been 4 years since I've written for fun, so I thought I'll give fanfic-writing another shot. Your feedback is greatly appreciated! This is a story adapted from an episode from the CW's Legends of Tomorrow (make a guess which one) that is in turn based on the premise of Groundhog Day. There might not be a huge overlap between Reveluvs and LoT viewers, but I'll do my best to give enough contextual details along the way. Enjoy!

**Chapter 1**

         

            It invariably happens the same way. Last night’s mission went just as every other mission before it had: Joy held a séance to consult the spirits on the best cause of action, Irene conducted the mission briefing, Seulgi and Wendy prepped all the necessary weapons, and I stayed behind to hold the fort. Just another day in the life of a Red Velvet member in this line of work—bounty-hunting supernaturals to keep the magical realm safe. These days it’s Halloween season and especially unsafe on the streets when real monsters walk amongst cosplayers—Seulgi busted a few in her DJ Hyo costume (or was it a vampire costume? Those two look quite alike). Don’t ask me how a group of four petite Korean women (and one Joy) ended up in the monster hunting profession (we got scouted after helping downtown Los Angeles with their pizza boy problem, and have a steady supply of missions since). We all do great work, our professionalism instilled by our leader who always says that every role is essential for a successful mission. Everyone has a meaningful position in Red Velvet. Which is why I’m stuck at home while everyone else is out hunting a werewolf.

            Sitting in the music room and bored out of my mind, I toy with a zippo, lighting up a row of red candles on Joy’s piano to summon the one friend still with me in this house. As the wax slowly melted, pastel rose pink smoke wafted around the room, and from it came a melodious voice:

            “What do you need, my favourite dongsaeng?”

            “Hi Taeyeon-unnie!” I greet back enthusiastically, waving in the direction of her voice, at said cloud of pink smoke. Every magical household has a spirit guardian to help keep the place up and running, and boy am I glad that Taeyeon is ours. Irene and Wendy technically could run this house on their own just fine, but Irene is on the verge of punching someone if we ever wrecked her laundry room again. So yes, I’m very grateful for Taeyeon. She may not have a physical presence, but at this moment, neither did my other four members.

            “Unnie, entertain me! I’ve sharpened the straight razors, restocked the candles and made offerings to all you spirits. There’s nothing left for me to do and that leaves me a really bored Yeri.”

            “Well, why don’t you go practice some more? If you can prove to Joohyun that you can hold your own in combat, she’ll definitely take you out on field missions.”

            I scoff inwardly at that reasoning. Why do all the oldies think that? I am not in the least underprepared; I’ve spent more years training in the dungeon than Joy and can outshoot Seulgi any day. Wait, that gives me an idea.

            “You’re right, Taeyeon-unnie. I’ll go practice right now!” I reply with more enthusiasm than necessary. Grabbing the nearest crossbow (thank you Seulgi for never packing things away neatly), I load up a bolt and took aim at a drawing on the wall (made by some unknown artist called KSG, can’t be anything too valuable).

            “Yerimie I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to do that,” warns Taeyeon. “The rest are going to be home really soon too.”

            “Sooner than I can say ‘Hi my name’s–’”

            “Yerim! Where are you?” Irene growls the moment she stormed past the front the door, picking off the twigs in her beret as the others stumble in behind her, tracking mud onto the carpet. This cannot be good. It’s never good when she uses my real name. And when the carpet gets soiled.

            “Fetch some clean towels then come and help get Joy back up to her room before–” Irene stops abruptly when she catches sight of the loaded crossbow in my hands.

            “Yah Kim Yerim! What did I say about using weapons inside the house?”

            “Don’t use weapons inside the house.”

            “Well then what the hell are you doing? I leave for one night—one night only—and you’ve already broken one very important rule. How can I trust you to follow instructions out in the field? Why is it always so hard for you to listen to what I say? If you can’t even do your assigned housekeeping duties right–”

            “Woah okay unnie okay,” pacifies Wendy while gently disarming my crossbow. “I think Yeri has learnt her lesson now, and anyway there was no harm done. She’s just playing around.”   

            Irene whips around at that last two sentences. “Oh so you think it’s okay to break the rules if no harm was harm done? Son Seungwan where did you disappear to at the fourth hour of the mission? According to the schedule you were supposed to be setting the traps. And because you weren’t at your position, everything that could go wrong, went wrong tonight!”

            Wendy pales at Irene’s interrogation. “I…I had to go back to the van to…to fetch more…more holy water. For the werewolf bait.”

            “No you didn’t. Joy was already in the van doing just that. Unless,” the gears in Irene’s head are turning quickly, “you were in the van doing something, or _someone_ , else.” Wendy squeaks, Joy grimaces, Seulgi hurriedly looks away, and I smirk bemusedly. All the unnies could certainly use some of that holy water now.

            Seulgi is the first to recover. “Guys can we talk about this later? Unnie we’re really sorry that the traps failed and that the werewolf got away, but Sooyoung should probably get her wolf-bite checked out now.” Joy grunts in approval, cradling her right hand that I only just realise is lacerated and bloody. It’s counted as a bad hunt if someone comes back injured, target captured or otherwise. No wonder our leader got her beret in a twist.

            “Taeyeon-unnie, can you look up bandaging techniques and the ingredients required for an anti-rabies vaccine?” asks Irene in a markedly calmer tone, only for all the candles to fizzle out, and the cloud of smoke dissipate into nothing.

            “What’s happening? Unnie speak to me, yah Taeyeon-unnie!” Irene curses as she tries to re-light the candles, but to no avail.

            “Might this have anything to do with me changing our usual supplier for candles yesterday?” I wonder aloud. I really should start watching my mouth, because Irene won’t stop yelling this time round.

            “Kim Yerimeh!” she bellows in satoori. Everyone winces and shoots me a disapproving look, because the Daegu accent means trouble— _I’m_ in big trouble. “You had one job! One job! And that is to stay home while the rest of us are busy working outside. Actually, staying home isn’t even a job. So if you can’t be trusted to handle something so simple because of your chronic inability to follow instructions, then don’t resent me when you stay benched from field missions!”

            “What’s with you and your obsession with rules?” I yell back, rules of seniority be damned. I’ve had enough of Irene throwing her weight about just because tonight’s mission went south. She has no right taking out her anger on me when it’s scarcely my fault, of all people’s. We might even have succeeded if I was there to lay the traps properly. Then Wendy could make-out with Joy in the van with no bad consequences. “If you want to talk about rules so much, then let me point out our most important rule that you have broken yourself.”

            “Now now Yerm, unnie is strict but she only means well,” urges Seulgi.

            “Don’t try to stop me you bear. This is something I’ve been meaning to say for a long time coming,” I hold out a hand to silence the rest. “From the day we formed Red Velvet, we agreed to forget how long each person studied at Star Magic Academy, to forget how long each person was locked in the dungeon, and to start treating everyone as equals. You were the one who made that rule! Yet it’s been one year and I haven’t been out on a single field mission, while you guys get to go all the damned time! Am I still a member of the team or not?”

            Irene’s eyebrows shoot up into her hairline, her tiny hands balling into tiny fists as she visibly struggles not to sock me in the eye. Seulgi covers Wendy’s ears, who covers Joy’s ears, who gingerly supports her wounded hand as it is still bleeding over the carpet.  

            “Do not. Turn this on me,” seethes Irene in a dangerously low voice that still rattles with rage. “If you want to prove yourself a meaningful member of this group, then fix your fuck-up with Taeyeon-unnie before the end of today–”

            “Unnie, the swear jar–”

            “Shut up Seulgi. And someone quickly prepare a first-aid kit. This house is a fucking nightmare,” Irene lets out an exasperated huff, flinging her beret onto the floor before stomping away.

             I am tempted to point out how Irene essentially deflected my accusation with a counter-threat, but Seulgi’s pleading gaze holds me back. Instead, I angrily storm back to the piano—if that’s what my leader so wants me to do. “Stupid cabbage and her stupid obsession with rules,” I curse under my breath. Not that Irene could hear me from afar with her elderly ears. Packing up the defective candles back into the box they came from—remind me to send a strongly worded letter to the manufacturer—a stream of molten wax just had to spill over, scalding me along my palm. I let rip an inhuman shriek from the burning pain, better inhuman than make a contribution to our overflowing swear jar. Let’s not buy Joy another canine child from the proceeds.

            But as I am squealing like a dying animal, a much louder explosion erupts from the house. Before I can comprehend the disaster that is unfolding, a concussive force tears through the door (and the walls), bringing the whole apartment down in a blazing ball of fire.

 

⁂

 

            “Do not. Turn this on me,” seethes Irene in a dangerously low voice that rattles with rage, again. I glance around at the unnies in utter disbelief. How could there still be an Irene to turn this on to after the explosion that killed us all? Nobody, magical or otherwise, could survive an explosion that large. I heard the blast and saw the damage, yet everyone is standing exactly where they were before, doing exactly what they did before I was sent to fix the candles. I know what déjà vu is, and I know it certainly doesn’t happen after death.

             “If you want to prove yourself a meaningful member of this group, then fix your fuck-up with Taeyeon-unnie before the end of today… Yeri are you listening to me? Pay attention when I’m lecturing you for your own good!”

            “Unnie, the swear jar–”

            “Shut up Seulgi. And someone quickly prepare a first-aid kit. This house is a fucking nightmare,” Irene lets out an exasperated huff, flinging her beret onto the floor before stomping away. Everyone is acting normal; none of them is feeling anything out of the ordinary.

            Well since everyone else is oblivious, I now have every freedom to ask: what the fuck is going on here?


	2. Chapter II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously on Hedgehog Day,
> 
> “Do not. Turn this on me,” seethes Irene in a dangerously low voice that rattles with rage, again. “If you want to prove yourself a meaningful member of this group, then fix your fuck-up with Taeyeon-unnie before the end of today…Yeri are you listening to me? Pay attention when I’m lecturing you for your own good!”
> 
> “Unnie, the swear jar–”
> 
> “Shut up Seulgi. And someone quickly prepare a first-aid kit. This house is a fucking nightmare,” Irene lets out an exasperated huff, flinging her beret onto the floor before stomping away. Everyone is acting normal; none of them is feeling anything out of the ordinary.
> 
> Well since everyone else is oblivious, I now have every freedom to ask: what the fuck is going on here?

**Chapter 2**

 

            I’m standing stock still with my mouth gaping like a dying fish, in the very same spot where I was a little over an hour ago. Pardon me for looking dumb and slightly crazed because I’ve never experienced dying and coming back to life before. The unnies shoot me a disapproving look for my disrespectful expression before leaving—as they did the first-time round. Everyone seems none too different; no one seems to realise how horribly bizarre this situation is. 

            I pat myself all over to check if this is all a nightmare. No such luck, but at least I still have my stunning visuals intact (I take after Irene-umma after all, sorry for getting distracted by my own beauty). Did I imagine the explosion? Am I dreaming that I’ve inexplicably been resurrected? Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? If this is one of Joy’s pranks of spiking yesterday’s Slovenian wine with a hallucinogen, I swear to god I’ll get her back twice as good.

            “Okay Kim Yerim don’t let your wits run away from you. You have no fears, except for Wendy growing taller than you,” I mutter in self-reassurance. Wait, that’s it—Wendy! If there’s someone who can figure out what’s wrong with me, I have full faith in Red Velvet’s resident medic.

            “Doctor Son your next patient will see you in three…two…one. Ready or not, here I come!” I loudly announce my arrival at the infirmary before flinging the doors wide open, though three seconds and a loud slam isn’t enough to get Wendy and Joy to stop making out on the gurney bed.

            “Eww you guys are gross! Can’t you keep your hands off each other in a communal space? Especially when Joy-unnie doesn’t even have a two functioning hands,” I whine, gesturing at Joy’s neat bandage, no doubt the work of her doting girlfriend. Wendy has at least some decency to look sheepish, but I couldn’t be bothered to see Joy’s reaction as I push her out of the infirmary, together with the gurney she’s lying on. Her wound has already been cleaned and stitched, so it’s my turn to see the doctor.

            “Wendy-unnie, I think something’s seriously wrong with me,” I go straight to the point.

            “Oh my god, what is it Yeri? What’s seriously wrong? You can trust me with anything, you know that right?”

            “I know. You’re the most understanding member, that’s why I came to you first. This matter is private and, erm, embarrassing,” I whisper, locking the door to keep Joy out. Wendy waits with wide, concerned eyes for me to elaborate.

            “I feel like…I feel like I’m living in a dream. Sort of a woozy feeling—not that I’m about to faint—but rather everything feels surreal, like none of this and none of you guys are real,” I bumble through my explanation. Can’t fault Wendy for looking comically confused as I’m clueless myself (but she should get on my level of abstract descriptors, it’s my occupational hazard as a songwriter).

            “Have you been eating and sleeping well? Drinking eight cups of water a day and taking your mana booster pills? I mean we’ve been working overtime to prepare for last night’s mission, so that might’ve taken its toll on your mental state,” Wendy suggests, not unkindly. I scoff inwardly: assembling a few weapons before the werewolf hunt hardly took any strength out of me. 

            “Of course I’ve been taking good care of myself! I may be tasting wines and being into social media these days, but all things considered, I’m still a responsible bounty-hunter you know,’ I pout defensively before Wendy could think poorly of me—I don’t need another member doubting my commitment to the cause.

            “Sorry Yerimie, I didn’t mean to sound like I don’t trust or believe you. Just a standard questionnaire to come to a diagnosis,” Wendy smiles warmly, beckoning for my wrist to check my pulse.

            “I’m sorry for lashing out too. Something strange happened and it’s terribly confusing. You know how Taeyeon-unnie said our powers do not extend to prophetic dreams or out-of-body experiences? Yet I just went through dying and getting resurrected to an hour before my death. It’s a lot like starting over from a saved checkpoint after getting killed in a video game. I’m a hundred percent sure I did die then, but then, here I am now.”

            Wendy looks even more confused at that analogy. “Uh, so you’re saying that you died? You’ve experienced the process of dying, and lived to tell me about said process of dying now?”

            “Yes! A huge, fiery explosion consumed this house. I was even hurt shortly before that,” I raise my scalded palm for her to examine, though we quickly realise that the skin there is completely unharmed. Huh, going back in time must have healed my injury, or the burn hasn’t happened in this timeline since I haven’t been to the piano yet. Wendy looks between my face and my hand, unsure of how she’s supposed to help me.

            “Hmm, all I can say from a clinical perspective is that your pulse is strong and your heart certainly beating, albeit slightly fast. But what you’ve described is nothing like I’ve ever seen in any magically-inclined bounty-hunter before. There are no records of our powers causing such phenomena. Magic is not sci-fi, Yeri (frankly I can’t tell the difference). Have you been watching too many B-movies with Seul again?”

            I roll my eyes at Wendy’s implication. That’s just great; another person who doesn’t understand me and thinks I don’t know what’s up.

            “There doesn’t seem to be anything physically wrong with you. I can’t conduct a full body check-up until Taeyeon-unnie is back to power up the scanner. But in the meantime, I’ll hook you up to your usual constitution potion drip, that’ll make you feel stronger and sharper. So take a lollipop and sit tight, I’ll be back after seeing how Joy is doing with her stitches,” Wendy beams as she quickly concludes the check-up. Since the ever-supportive unnie is also dismissive, I resignedly slump into the patient’s chair, mindlessly sucking on the grape lolly as the IV drip does its work.

            Just then, a loud explosion erupts from the house, disrupting the relative peace of the infirmary. I swiftly disconnect myself from the IV drip, pain in my arm be damned. The same disaster is happening again: a concussive force tears through the door (and the walls), bringing the whole apartment down in a blazing ball of fire.

 

⁂

 

            “Do not. Turn this on me,” seethes Irene in a dangerously low voice that rattles with rage, yet again. “If you want to prove yourself a meaningful member of this group, then fix your fuck-up with Taeyeon-unnie before the end of today… Yeri are you listening to me? Look at me instead of Wendy when I’m lecturing you for your own good!”

            “Unnie, the swear jar–”

            “Shut up Seulgi. And someone quickly prepare a first-aid kit. This house is a fucking nightmare,” Irene lets out an exasperated huff, flinging her beret onto the floor before stomping away.

            I’m standing stock still with my mouth gaping like a dying fish, in the very same spot where I was a little over an hour ago. Pardon me for looking dumb and slightly crazed because I was not expecting to die and come back to life after getting treated by Wendy. The unnies shoot me a disapproving look for my disrespectful expression before leaving—as they did the first and second time round. Everyone seems none too different; no one seems to realise how horribly bizarre this situation is. 

            Then it’s all up to Kim Yerim to save the day. Especially since Wendy was absolutely no help at all—what’s the use of her medical degree from the University of Toronto?

            Hear me out: it stands to reason that the trigger for this mysterious event happens between Irene scolding me and the apartment exploding. Otherwise there will be nothing to fix, unless nothing can be done in this timeline to restore the original timeline, but that’s impossible because me coming back to life is proof that I’m the chosen one to crack the code, so there has to be a solution to this problem (I’m a genius at logical deductions).

            It also stands to reason that I did something incorrectly the two times that led to our fiery deaths. It might be a longshot, but I’ll retrace my steps, go by trial and error, do some things differently to see if that will avert the final outcome.

            I hurry to the piano room with 55 minutes to disaster. This time, I take extra care not to get scalded by the molten candle, and to be extra scathing in my complaint to the manufacturer. But the explosion happens anyway: tearing through the exact same spots in the exact same door (and wall), bringing the whole apartment down in a blazing ball of fire.

 

⁂

 

            “Do not. Turn this on me…” seethes Irene once again. “…fix your fuck-up with Taeyeon-unnie before the end of today….Yah you’re already 20 so woman up and stop looking like you’re going to cry just because I’m lecturing you!”

            “Unnie, the swear jar–”

            “Shut up Seulgi. And someone get a first-aid kit. This house is a fucking nightmare,” Irene lets out a huff, flings her beret and stomps away.

            I’m no longer standing stock still with my mouth gaping like a dying fish, though I’m still in the same spot. Well excuse me for tearing up after two failed attempts to break out of the cycle. I’m trying my damned best here, but that’s apparently not enough. The other three unnies give me a mildly sympathetic look before they leave—but sympathy cannot fix this vicious cycle of dying and resurrecting.

            I rub my eyes and blow my nose on my shirt sleeves (Irene could scold me once more for ruining my clothes for all I care). Sometimes, desperate times calls for desperate measures. And sometimes, I’ve just got to be bold.

            Pulling up the KakaoTalk group chat (forcibly summoning them via spirit force would be faster, but alas, Taeyeon is down), I arrange an urgent family meeting to tell them the truth about what’s been happening.

**HiImKaty:**

| 

*URGENT* RV family meeting. 5 mins in the living room. DO NOT BE LATE.  
  
---|---  
  
**BearPineappleAppleBear:**

| 

:O Werent we just in the living room?  
  
**WenDaddy:**

| 

Can this wait a lil longer? I’m busy doing Joy’s stitches now.  
  
**HiImKaty:**

| 

Yeah right, u sure ur not doing something else of Joy’s? Like Joy herself, mayhaps? :3  
  
**CutieSexyDynamite:**

| 

Har har har real mature. ur just salty after grandma whooped ur ass again.  
  
**Bae Joohyun**

| 

Yeri, what did I just say about fixing Taeyeon-unnie?  
  
**HiImKaty:**

| 

u said to get her back b4 the end of today   
  
**CutieSexyDynamite:**

| 

Then? :3  
  
**HiImKaty:**

| 

i was doing just that u dumbfuck!  
  
**Bae Joohyun:**

| 

Watch your language young lady. You’re on thin fucking ice.  
  
**Bae Joohyun:**

| 

Oh shit.  
  
**BearPineappleAppleBear:**

| 

Unnie lmao  
  
**HiImKaty:**

| 

i was fixing Taeyeon-unnie when i discovered smth really big! like really really big  
  
**BearPineappleAppleBear:**

| 

Really really really~ :D  
  
**HiImKaty:**

| 

AS I WAS SAYIN, i was fixing Taeyeon-unnie when and explosion happened and blew the entire house to kingdom come!  
  
**BearPineappleAppleBear:**

| 

D:  
  
**CutieSexyDynamite:**

| 

Dafuq? Are u for real? I dont recall any explosion of any kind. I would know if I got blown.  
  
**HiImKaty:**

| 

ISTG im telling the truth! Im also pretty damn sure the explosion started from the ground floor up. theres a bomb in the house and we have less than an hour to find it!  
  
**WenDaddy:**

| 

Wait, we only have less than one hour? How do you know something that specific?  
  
**CutieSexyDynamite:**

| 

Show us the receipts  
  
**HiImKaty:**

| 

Look guys, this is smth u have to see it to believe it. come out now so i can show yall what i mean before–  
  
 

            Before I can finish typing that sentence, that dreaded explosion sweeps through the entire ground floor, bringing the whole apartment down in a blazing ball of fire.

 

⁂

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just tweaked chapter 1 into the present tense, so we'll be on the same page as Yeri as she goes through the time loops. Checking for grammar is a dirty job.


	3. Chapter III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Seulgi Day! To celebrate the birthday of our bestest bear, here's a yermseul bromance chapter! The dumb and dumber duo's antics are always endearing to watch and make my uwus pop out.

**Chapter 3**

 

            “Do not. Turn this on me,” seethes Irene—before I interrupt her spiel that I’m frankly quite done with (I was done since three deaths ago).

            Yes I will prove myself a ‘meaningful member of this group’, and yes I will fix Taeyeon-unnie. Wendy-unnie will take Joy-unnie to the infirmary. And please put ₩4000 into the swear jar,” I snark back as everyone stares at me in shock. 

            “Yah you brat! How dare you talk back to me? I didn’t swear so cut that crap and go to the piano room right now! This house is a fucking nightmare,” Irene lets out an exasperated huff, flinging her beret onto the floor, but not before realising her slip-up. I smirk as she reluctantly stuffs a few bills into the swear jar.

            So far, telling everyone point blank and Wendy’s medical intervention weren’t helpful, but her words gave me an idea for another approach. Time to pay Seulgi a visit in her cave.

            “Come out of hibernation, you bear!” I whine while pounding my fists against a lumpy mass under a sheep-wool blanket. “Seulgi-unnie I know you’re buried in there somewhere so we can either do this the easy way, or the hard way.”

            “No…I’m so comfy here. Go away and karaoke to Ariana Grande or something.”

            “That’s not a bad idea, but right now I’m here on a mission. You’re going to help me with something. You have three seconds to get out of bed.”

            “Leave me alone! Go ask Joohyun-unnie. She always knows what to do; she can help you with anything.”

            “Nah she’s still mad at me, so she won’t listen to what I’m asking of her. One.”

            “Then go ask Wannie. She’s the smartest; she has the best ideas.”

            “Pft, bold of you to assume I haven’t tried that. But her Bachelor of Surgery degree was completely useless. In fact, she (indirectly) asked me to ask you. Two”

            “Seungwan really said so?”

            “Er, more or less. Three!” I snake my hands under the thick blanket, frantically tickling Seulgi (maybe groping her a couple of times—accidentally of course) until she fell out of bed and onto her ass.

            “Yerimie you jerk!

            “Yeah I get that a lot, but this is serious business unnie. Do you know anything about some cycle people dying, coming alive at an earlier point in time only to die again at the exact same moment as the first?”

            “Are you talking about a real-life or an imaginary scenario?”

            “Seulgi we live in a world with talking candle smoke and freely available weapons,” I deadpan. 

            “Hey respect your elders!” she scolds without any real anger. “But you’ve got a point. There’s nothing stopping time loops from happening, so they’re entirely plausible.”

            “Time loop? So that’s what this is,” I gasp.

            “Sure sounds like that Hollywood movie. Do you know _Groundhog Day_? No? It's about this dude who lives the same day over and over again until he learns to be a better person. I know it sounds very cheesy, but the plot is very well executed. We should watch it next movie night, I can even ask Joohyun-unnie to rent the DVD!”

            “Wait up, wait up. How do you know all of that?”

            “Because I’m not half the dumb bear you guys think I am. I’m a woman of culture,” Seulgi proudly smiles her eye smile. “Say Yeri-ah, do you think unnie’s ideal type is someone artistic–”

            “Nope nope nope we are not going there. There’s a problem bigger than your hopeless crush here, which is that we’ve been stuck in a time loop for several rounds now!” I throw my hands up in frustration. Why can’t anyone in this house get their priorities straight? Not that there’s anything straight about the five of us (six if you add Taeyeon). 

            “Huh, that does sound like a big problem,” Seulgi scratches behind her bear-like ears thoughtfully. “If it’s like in the movie, you’ll need to figure out–Yeri do you hear that noise?”

            I sigh despondently. That noise is the all too familiar crumbling of the doors and walls downstairs as the explosion erupts again. Why can’t I ever get enough time to figure things out before getting blown to bits? Seulgi squishes my cheeks in her hands as if it’s the last time she would get to speak to me (it certainly wouldn’t be).

            “Omo omo, this is bad, really bad! I see what you mean now. Listen closely Kim Yerim: when the next loop starts, come to me at once and say ‘Groundhog Day’, I’ll immediately know what to do. Just say ‘Groundhog Day’ and we’ll work through this together okay? ‘Groundhog Day!’” Seulgi yells until the racket of the blast drowns her out. For the first time, I get to go in in the arms of a loved one. It feels nice. But don’t tell Seulgi that or she’ll think I’ve gone soft. (And definitely don’t tell Irene that or she’ll get jealous).

 

⁂

 

            As Irene screams her spiel and stomps away, I hurry after Seulgi, taking the stairs two at a time and intercepting her outside her room once the rest are out of earshot.

            “Yes Yerimie?” asks Seulgi, slightly confused at my abrupt entrance.

            “Crap, what’s the name of that movie again?”

            “What movie? Movie night isn’t till next week. Joohyun-unnie hasn’t had the time to check out DVD rentals yet.”

            “Who even rents DVDs nowadays?” I retort, never one to give up an opportunity to sass my unnies. Dammit, just when I was about to recall the title, I lost my train of thought again. It’s got some kind of animal in it, something more vicious than Haetnim, and with a very American name. Ugh Katy Kim why is your English failing you now? Was it _Groundfloor Café_? _Hound Dog’s Cray_? _Grey Fox Sashay?_ No wait I’ve got it!

            “Hedgehog Day!” I blurt out. This doesn’t sound right though, dang it. 

            Seulgi looks even more confused, scratching behind her bear-like ears. “There’s a movie called _Hedgehog Day_? When did it come out? I only know of _Groundhog Day_. That’s a great movie, the plot is very well executed–”

            “Yes that’s the one! Groundhog Day! GROUNDHOG DAY!” I practically scream in Seulgi’s face, violently shaking her by the shoulders, hoping she would get the message (she didn’t).

            “What the fu– why are you yelling? WHY ARE YOU YELLING?! Seulgi yells back even louder (why is no one self-conscious of irony?). “What got you so worked up?”

            Well crap. If Seulgi doesn’t remember the headway we made in the previous time loop, how would she be of help this time? Speaking of time, I’ve already wasted a good quarter of the hour figuring out the stupid English title.

            “Unnie, you told me to say ‘Groundhog Day’ first thing when I see you.”

            “Eh? Why would I tell you to tell me about an old movie from 1993?” 

            “I don't really know. I don't really know anything anymore,” I slump against her doorframe. “All I know is I'm stuck in this thing you call a time loop. I’ve died five times already and nothing I've done could make it stop!”

            “Omo, just like in _Groundhog Day_! Okay, got it, okay.”

            “You do?” I ask incredulously. When was Slowgi ever this fast? 

            “Mm-hmm,” she nods.

            “You really mean it? That’s all it takes to convince you I’m not delusional or something?

            “Mm-hmm,” repeats Seulgi. “Why would you think otherwise? You might be a savage piece of shit sometimes—or nearly all the time—but Yeri, you have good instincts and you won’t joke around on something this big.” No one tell Seulgi how at this moment, she said the exact reassurance I needed to hear the most.

            “And you'll help me figure out what's going on? You’ll help me break out of this time loop?”

            “Yeah I’ll help you, that's what family is for,” she states as if it’s the most obvious fact in the world. 

            “We're family?”

            “Of course! We don’t push our chores to each other and hog the bathroom if we’re not family, so tell me everything you know!”

            Believe me when I confess I’ve gone all gooey on the inside, but there’s no time to lose if I want to save everyone. “Long story short: every loop lasts one hour, it ends when an explosion tears the whole house down and kills us all. The blast feels the strongest on the ground floor, so it stands to reason it’s hidden downstairs.”

            Seulgi hums in understanding, scratching her ear as she processes the details. “Quite clearly we need to survive the explosion to break out of the loop—that’s what’s limiting our time here to one hour. What could have caused the blast?”

            “I hate to say this, but from my experience with explosives, it sure feels like a man-made bomb. We haven’t had guests over in a while, I was keeping watch through the night and no one could teleport in since Taeyeon-unnie is down, which means only…” I hesitate to complete the sentence as the implications are clear and incriminating.

            “You think it’s an inside job; one of us did it?”

            “Well if you put it that way, it sounds really bad. But what other logical explanation is left?”

            “True that, have you noticed anyone acting suspiciously?” Seulgi asks as we head downstairs to investigate the crime scene.

            “Can’t say I have. Everything looks pretty normal around here. Irene-unnie is napping after a mission in her room, Wendy-unnie is in the kitchen–”

            “Unless Wendy suddenly grew 10cm, that’s not Wendy in the kitchen,” Seulgi corrects me. 

            “Woah hold on, what’s Joy doing in there? Is she– baking?”

            “Sooyoungie is only ever in the kitchen to eat food, not make it. Looks like we’ve just found our prime suspect. Detectives Yermseul are on the case!” announces Seulgi with a satisfying crack of her knuckles. Now that's what I call a real mystery mission. 

 


	4. Chapter IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously on Hedgehog Day,
> 
> “Everything looks pretty normal around here. Irene-unnie is napping after a mission in her room, Wendy-unnie is in the kitchen–”  
> “Unless Wendy suddenly grew 10cm, that’s not Wendy in the kitchen,” Seulgi corrects me.  
> “Woah hold on, what’s Joy doing in there? Is she– baking?”  
> “Sooyoungie is only ever in the kitchen to eat food, not make it. Looks like we’ve just found our prime suspect. Detectives Yermseul are on the case!” announces Seulgi.

**Chapter 4**

 

            “Unnie you can’t be serious,” I facepalm. “Is baking a crime now? The last I checked, we are sovereign citizens, and we pay equal rent for the shared amenities.”

            “Baking’s not _exactly_ illegal, but have you forgotten the time Taeyeon-unnie had to reconstruct half the kitchen because Joy tried to brew Tim Hortons coffee?” reasons Seulgi.

            “Touché.”

            “Though nothing compares to the aftermath of you adding vinegar and gochujang to ramyun–”

             “We promised _never_ to speak of that incident, unless you want Irene-unnie to learn about your undying 10-year crush on her,” I counterattack. That did the trick to silence Seulgi. “Good, back to the plan: I suggest that we sneak up on Joy, catch her red-handed, or force her to reveal the bomb’s whereabouts with my highly effective techniques of persuasion,” I snicker with devious glee.

            “You know Yerim, this is why unnie doesn’t like you. But I’m down for the scaring part,” she winks. Or whatever that two-eyed scrunching move is supposed to be.  

            “Now we’re talking. Ready the breach. Attack commences in three seconds,” I whisper-shout as I give Seulgi the signal to enter. She hoverboard walks into the kitchen, gliding silently until she’s a hair’s breadth behind Joy’s unassuming figure. I leopard crawl under the dining table until I’m crouched in front of the kitchen counter. If Taeyeon could see me now, she’d play the _Mission Impossible_ soundtrack for this badass espionage move. Now we’ve got Joy flanked on both sides, and I spy a giant clumsily stirring some sort of cake batter hindered by the thick bandage. Though limited dexterity aside, Joy’s cooking under any circumstances smells like trouble (and stale butter). Time to put a stop to this kitchen nightmare.

            “Boo-yah!” Seulgi and I shout simultaneously as we pop out from our hiding spots.

            “Eunggrreekk!” squealed Joy like a woman possessed (I’ve always known she had a piece of Satan within her). In true Joy-like fashion, she flung her arms up (splattering batter all over the clean ceiling) and flung her head back (butting Seulgi squarely between her monolid eyes).

            “Oww…Sooyoung what was that for?” groans Seulgi as she blearily rubs her reddening forehead.

            “What was that for? I should be asking _you two_ what the fuck scaring me was for! And watch where you’re going, my hand’s still injured!”

            “Don’t fall for her tricks unnie! Park Sooyoung used deflect and guilt-trip! They’re not very effective. She’s trying to distract us from the real issue here!” I warn loudly.

            “Distract you two idiots from what? The only issue I know is y’all barging in and derailing my very important baking session. Unless y’all wanna help– unnie don’t lick the blender for fuck’s sake– otherwise get the hell out of my kitchen.”

            Since Joy has her guard up after our botched entrance, it’s time to take the subtle approach. I can totally do subtle.

            “Fine then, I can help with the basics. What do you need me to do?” I lay the bait for Joy to tell reveal her nefarious plans for being in the kitchen. This will be a piece of cake.

            “Yeri go melt down the chocolate bar on, I don’t know, high heat perhaps? Then immediately whisk in the eggs. Seulgi-unnie preheat the oven to 350 degrees…I can’t read the next word. Fuck it, do 350 degrees Celsius. The faster y’all get it done the faster my chocolate cupcakes will be ready,” she instructs with a wave of a bandaged hand.

            “Omo chocolate cupcakes are my favourite! Sooyoungie you’re so sweet, you really didn’t have to.”

            “Damn right I don’t have to, because they are not for you– unnie please don’t snort icing sugar. Who in their right minds would bake for two food-guzzling gremlins?

            Fair point, Joy never bothered to feed us, but someone else always does. Who needs Joy when you have masterchef Son? I put on my best wistful face, “Yeah, you’re nowhere as generous as Wendy-unnie. She’s the sweetest and her cupcakes are divine.” (While Joy’s are most definitely inedible).

            At the mention of Wendy’s name, Joy immediately brightens up. “Wendy-unnie’s the most delicious I swear. She makes the best snacks for us but we don’t give her anything nice in return, so I’m gonna change that and you guys are gonna help me.” Am I seeing things or is Joy going all mushy for Wendy? Something is afoot here and I don’t mean the bomb plot. There might be more to Wendy and Joy’s relationship than impromptu make-outs in the infirmary than I thought.

            “Aww, Sooyoungie’s just doing a big romantic gesture for Wan even when she’s hurt,” coos Seulgi, smacking Joy good-naturedly, earning her a death glare.  

            “Well then, there’s nothing evil going on down here, just couple-goals in the making” I announce smugly, ignoring Joy’s uncharacteristic blush. “Seulgi-unnie we can rule out the kitchen as the location of the bomb.”

            “What the fuck, did you just say ‘bomb’?” exclaims Joy.

            I groan. This will take too long to explain, and Joy won’t be of help with just 10 minutes on the clock. “Too long don’t read: Someone planted a bomb inside the apartment somewhere on the ground floor. Any suspects come to mind?”

            “That’s…still a lot to take in. I don’t know who would do such a thing but try combing through everywhere and everyone. As much as it sucks to think it’s an inside job, you can’t be too careful about these things. Sometimes if you can’t find something, look in the most obvious place,” advises Joy sagely. That’s some deep military strategy, but Joy isn’t one of our field tacticians for nothing.   

            “Roger that,” I salute back. Where oh where is the most obvious place to hide a bomb on the ground floor? The living room is very spacious (not complaining on movie nights though) so a bomb will be left out in plain sight. On the other hand, the laundry room is so tiny it can only fit a washing machine, a dryer, and a 158cm tall mother. The laundry baskets have just been emptied so they are a low priority to search. So this only leaves one room—the armoury. 

            “Seulgi-unnie lend me your key to the armoury,” I nudge her with great urgency. Good thing for Seulgi beside me—she and Wendy are the only two entrusted with storing our weapons. It won’t be possible to break out of the loop this time round, but I’m sure going to push my luck as far as I can go or my name isn’t Yeri.

            “Oh sure…oh wait, I don’t have it,” Seulgi says apologetically.

            Just fucking fantastic. I really can’t believe this bear sometimes. “You lost your key? You lost one of the only two keys to our highly guarded cache with all the weapons we currently own? Please tell me you’re joking. Goddammit you still had it yesterday!”  

            “No no geez calm down Yerim, you’ve misunderstood! I didn’t lose my key. I just lent it to Seungwan to make a duplicate. You know how forgetful she is. It’s not that bad, we’ll have two keys again by the end of today. Or after we break out of the time loop I guess.”

            “So Wendy-unnie _lost_ her armoury key? Misplaced it? Mislaid it? Forgotten its whereabouts?”

            “Mm-hmm.”

            “And neither of you considered to, I don’t know, follow protocol and report the loss to Irene-unnie? Instead she'd rather let an outsider copy the key to our weapons store which will potentially compromise our safety and world peace?”

            “When you put it this way, it does sound bad.”

            “Of course it’s bad! It’s really bad!” I shriek my head off. The unnies can be horribly naïve sometimes. “You two are the only ones granted access to the armoury. We all trusted you!”

            “There there, it was an honest mistake, Wendy didn’t mean any harm. She wouldn’t have kept mum, but seeing how stressed unnie was before the mission, Wan didn’t have the heart to add to her worries. She didn’t plan to deceive anyone, I swear,” pleads Seulgi, her voice awfully soft in comparison to the starting roar of the explosion as it hurtles towards us. Once again this is just fucking fantastic (this must be the phrase of the day), but at least I know we’re definitely investigating Wendy and the armoury first thing next round.  

 

⁂


	5. Chapter V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Note: warning goes up for (off-screen) sexytimes and (near) fatal violence, just thought I'd play it safe.

**Chapter 5**

 

             Once Irene’s out of earshot, I grab hold of Seulgi there and then in the living room. “Groundhog day. One hour,” I say determinedly.

             “Omo, Groundhog Day for real? Okay, got it, okay. What’s the deets, what do we do, where do we go?” she bounces on her feet excitedly.

             “Too long don’t read: Someone planted a bomb inside the apartment somewhere on the ground floor. We have one hour till time re-loops again.”

             “Oh gosh that’s terrible! Who shall we check first? How about Sooyoung?”

             I groan involuntarily. This time loop induced memory loss is testing me. “My squirtle senses say it ain’t her.”

             Seulgi gives me a look of bewilderment, tilting her head sideways before coming to a realisation. “You’ve checked her out in a previous loop, haven’t you?”

             “Yep. You’re pretty smart for a dumb bear.”

             “Yah! Take that back, you brat!” huffs Seulgi indignantly. “I’m not half the dumb bear you guys think I am. I’ve watched enough dramas to know what to expect of Groundhog Day scenarios.”

             “Good to know. So you won’t have any problems with scoping out the armoury then?” I ask rhetorically.

             “Not at all, let’s go! Oh wait, we can’t go in because I don’t–”

             “Because you don’t have your armoury key after lending it to Wendy-unnie to make a copy after she lost hers.”

             “Holy fu– how did you know all of that? I get that I’ve probably mentioned it before, but Yerim you are one creepy child.”

             “I already knew that. Thank you, next. We need to reach the infirmary in about two minutes to snatch Wendy away before she gets too tangled up with Joy,” I alert Seulgi as we sprint along the hallway.

             “Why would Wan be ‘tangled up with Joy’? Are you speaking in figurative language? I’m not good with languages.”

             “No, I’m speaking literal language right now. Their limbs will be tangled with each other’s. You’ll get what I mean in three…two…one!” I fling the infirmary doors wide open without any warning.

             “I still don’t get– ARGH MY EYES!” squeals Seulgi in pure mortification. The kind of mortification you feel when you see your sworn sister in a carnal embrace with your other sworn sister. _That_ kind of mortification. Looks like I timed our entrance slightly too early, the Wenjoy couple are still at the climax of their very, very heated make-out session on the gurney. I jumped the gun; Wenjoy are not done.

             “For fuck’s sake you two! There’s a new thing that got invented, and it’s called, KNOCKING!” screams Joy with righteous fury to somehow compensate for being caught pants down (literally).

             “Do I need to remind you that pursuant to section 21, chapter 2 of Red Velvet’s house rules, knocking is not required when entering a communal living space. And pursuant to section 3, chapter 9 of the same code, the infirmary is listed as a communal living space,” I retort with a shit-eating grin. All those times Irene made me copy out the house rules as punishment pays off now. Anyway, I did announce my arrival on my second loop, so I didn’t have to do so again.

             “Fucking hell, since when did you give a rat’s ass about the damned house rules! If you did, you wouldn’t have messed with the candles and gotten your ass whooped by Irene-unnie, would you?” Joy fires back, though she’s not very intimidating with a half-dressed Wendy dangling off her.

             “Okay fine, we’re sorry for barging in Joy-ah. But we’re really here on serious business. Wannie can you come with us real quick? Bring your, I mean, my key,” Seulgi intervenes before hands could be thrown.

             Wendy looks down awkwardly at the mention of her lost key. “Suer, but what’s going on? What’s this serious business?” she asks, voice muffled as she throws on an oversized T-shirt. On second glance, that T-shirt looks just the right size—for Joy. I roll my eyes before repeating the too-long-don’t-read spiel for the second time (more than twice if you count previous loops, this is starting to really annoy me).   

             “But why the armoury specifically?”

             Why does Wendy have to ask so many questions? “Because a wise woman once told me that the best hiding place is the also the most obvious place. Hide a weapon amongst more weapons. Ergo, it makes perfect sense to search the armoury,” I explain with all the patience left in me.

             “Woah Yerimie, that actually very sensible. Who taught you that? Ariana Grande?” asks Wendy with her eyes impressively wide.

             “No. I taught myself.”

             “Somehow I doubt that,” murmurs Joy.

             “Anyway!” I interrupt awkwardly. “Wendy-unnie kindly help us unlock the armoury, if you haven’t lost the last key already.”

             Poor Wendy began to look more sheepish. “I still have Seul’s key alright. I can unlock the armoury. Sure I can. No problem. But why would you wanna go there?”

             “Doctor Son, are you hard of hearing or short on memory? I literally _just_ explained why,” I deadpan. My patience is in the negatives now.

             “Yeri I heard what you said just fine, but the armoury…you know how it’s like. It’s full of weapons and such that haven’t been properly stowed away. You know how lazy we are with house chores. No one follows the roster until unnie threatens bloody murder. Speaking of murder, it’ll be really, really dangerous to go into the armoury now and poke around searching for something that may not even be there.” rambles Wendy. Why is Wendy rambling? She’s the most eloquent, most glib-tongued of the five of us. What got her so nervous? And what makes her think that what we’re looking for isn’t in there? I’m not the only one who finds Wendy’s behaviour suspicious, because Seulgi has got her backed up against the locked armoury door.

             “Are you hiding something from us? Something like an, explosive bomb?!” in her interrogation, Seulgi traps Wendy by the shoulders in a firm hold. That bear goes full-bear when she has to. Don’t mess with Seulgi when she goes full-bear.

             “Bomb? Don’t be crazy, no of course not! I’ll never do that to you guys—you’re all the family I have! Seulgi and Yerimie I swear on my Canadian brownie recipe that this is a big misunderstanding,” pleads Wendy.  

             “If you say it’s a misunderstanding, why won’t you let us in to see for ourselves? You have nothing to hide, don’t you?”

             “Erm, trust me there’s nothing worth seeing in there. There’s no way for the bomb to be planted in there right? The key was with me and Seul for the past 48 hours. The bomber would have to get past me first. Just trust me on this one,” rambles Wendy some more.

             “Unnie listen to yourself, you aren’t inspiring any trust right now. So hand over the key, or don’t blame us when we get rough,” I threaten.

             “How about you go search unnie instead? She’s probably in her bedroom or doing laundry right now, safe and clean stuff. Oh, oh, have you checked Seulgi? What makes you think your partner–”

             “That does it,” I finally snap. “Take her away, use force if necessary!”

             In a burst of superhuman strength, Seulgi wrestles Wendy to the ground before the latter can defend herself. “Yeri it’s in her back pocket, she keeps her valuables near the butt!” I swipe the key out. Just the key, not her butt. No time for that with only 10 minutes left.

             On my count, we kick the door open, only to be met with a hunk of junk blocking the doorway. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. The weapons inventory was so much weapons, so little inventory. Revolver rounds were scattered next to live grenades (stolen from the Russians in 2016). Throwing axes were turning rusty (Irene is gonna get her beret in a twist). Tombstones for last minute burials weren’t sorted alphabetically.

             “Don’t say I didn’t warn you. The armoury’s not a pleasant place when it’s Ddeulgi’s week to clean,” quips Wendy from the threshold.

             “You’re mean! At least I left a bucket of water beside the dynamite. Didn’t skimp on fire precautions,” Seulgi protests.

             “You shouldn’t have done that. That’s not ordinary water. That’s my Joy’s latest science project: flammable water.”

             “Dude what the fu– why did Joy invent something like that?!” yells Seulgi in (non-sexual) mortification.

             Whatever, fire safety can wait till Groundhog Day’s over. “Seulgi-unnie, just find the bomb. You know, for someone whose bedroom is straight out of a Pinterest board, you sure suck at keeping the armoury tidy.”

             “Because the mess doesn’t matter if unnie doesn’t see it.”

             “True that, Irene-unnie is too busy planning missions to retrieve weapons herself. But hang on, why would she see your bedroom anyway? Holy shit, don’t tell me–”

             “Hey Yeri, look in the far corner. Do you recognise that safebox? It wasn’t here when I last took inventory,” Seulgi interrupts, pointing towards a medium-sized, cobalt-plated lockbox with wires sticking out.

             “Oh yes!” I pump my fist. I recognise a bomb when I see one.

             “Oh no…” mutters Wendy. Wendy is hiding something still and I _just_ know it. But that can wait. One minute till disaster.  

             “Stand back kiddo, I’ll take a look,” Seulgi bravely wades forward, nearly slipping on a tennis ball (tennis balls are weapons too. You can take out an old person with a tennis ball to the head. Trust me, I’m a professional).

             “Careful unnie, there’s a tangle of rope near your foot.

              “Literally or figuratively?” Seulgi asks. Now’s not the time for semantics, nor is there time to properly reply as Seulgi’s clumsy foot trips on the rope, ripping it with the force of her fall. The loose rope is suddenly reeled in by pulleys, which run up and across the ceiling, which is tied to a family-sized refrigerator, which plummets down directly over Seulgi’s head.  

             “Seulgi watch out! Think fast!” I warn in sheer terror.

             “Eh? You need to tell me literally or fig–”

             Too late.

             I cower on the ground with my hands over my face before the worst happens. As a bounty-hunter, I’ve seen the horrors of the job, but nothing will ever prepare me to see them happen unto my best friend.

             Though the universe grants me a gentler way out with the timely explosion consuming us instead.

 

⁂

 

             “Careful unnie, there’s a _literal_ tangle of rope near your foot,” I make absolutely sure to give Seulgi adequate warning. I can’t lose her like that. No Kim Yerim, don’t think bad thoughts; this is a new loop, she is perfectly safe.

             “Roger that. I’ve got my hands on the package. 12 stone and solid. And very securely locked,” Seulgi grunts as she exerts her enhanced strength to hold it up.

             “Looks like somebody doesn’t want us opening this parcel,” I deduce.

             “It’s probably for the best that we left it alone. I mean, bombs can’t be that small anyway…” shrugs Wendy more nervously than in the last loop.

             “Bullshit. You’ve made pipe bombs that could take down an American-sized pizzeria. A box this size can fit six of those.”

             “Seungwan you’re my bro, so forgive me for saying this: this cobalt _blue_ safebox is yours, isn’t it? Usually we respect each other’s privacy, but whatever’s inside is very likely what’s keeping us in this time loop, whether you mean for it or not. So please, open it and let us do a check. Just give us a peace of mind,” Seulgi begs with her best aegyo. 

             No one can resist Seulgi’s aegyo. “You’re right Seul. But I swear y’all can’t judge whatever you’re about to see,” Wendy disclaims before begrudgingly pulling out the dummy wires and unlocking her safe to reveal—a stash of books.

             “For fuck’s sake, why are you so protective over some novels–”

             “Wait a second, look closely,” urges Seulgi with a chuckle. Well what do we have here? I rifle through the books: _Love-making Scenario, A_ _Triple H Love Triangle_ , _Love You Till the Moon Meets the Sun_ , _Sunmi’s Secret Sex Tape._ Good lord these titles sound trashy.

             “Aww Wannie, there’s no shame in women our age reading erotic novels,” consoles Seulgi. Though judging by Wendy’s reddening face, she’s just making her embarrassment worse.

             “That’s not the point. It’s not my first time reading such things. Wanna bet I’ve been reading adult fiction long before you did?” challenges Wendy, as if compensating for something. “It’s just, ugh, in light of _recent developments_ with Joy, I don’t want her to see these in my room and think poorly of me.”   

             “If it makes you feel better unnie, as far as I know Joy, she’ll be more than happy to read pornos with you. Eventually you guys may even make your own pornos!” I grin a shit-eating grin.

             “Yah Kim Yerim you insolent brat! Your filthy mouth needs to be washed with laundry bleach. Go pick on someone else for a change.”

             I think I know _exactly_ who to pick on next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking longer with this chapter. In celebration of Wendy Day, here's a Wendy-centric episode with our best hamster/orange/angel.


	6. Chapter VI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously on Hedgehog Day,
> 
> “It’s just, ugh, in light of recent developments with Joy, I don’t want her to see erotic novels in my room and think poorly of me,” bemoans Wendy. 
> 
> “If it makes you feel better unnie, as far as I know Joy she’ll be more than happy to read pornos with you. Eventually you guys may even make your own pornos!” I grin a shit-eating grin.
> 
> “Yah Kim Yerim you insolent brat! Your filthy mouth needs to be washed with laundry bleach. Go pick on someone else for a change.”
> 
> I think I know exactly who to pick on next.
> 
> It’s time to catch a cabbage.

**Chapter 6**

 

             Ditching Seulgi with Wendy (under the guise of figuring out camera angles for the latter’s debut adult film), I scurry upstairs to ambush our leader.

             Good news: Irene is in her room.

             Bad news: Irene’s room is _always_ locked.

             Damn it, I didn’t think this plan through, but not all is lost as I faintly hear her talking on the inside. That’s strange, Irene is all by herself, supposedly taking her old lady nap, so who is she talking to? The main door has been locked this whole time; Taeyeon isn’t around to teleport guests in, so she must be on the phone. I smoosh my ear against the door to hear better, but only Irene’s voice is audible from the outside.

             “I told you already that that was the last time I’d do this…No means no, this isn’t fair to my members…Jennie if you’re gonna break our deal I want out of this,” Irene whispers agitatedly.  

             Oh no.

             No, no, no.

             It is bad, really bad if Kim Jennie is involved. That girl is the de facto leader of the Blackpink coven and not to be messed with (if you still want to live). Rumour has it that she crushes her enemies with a tank and feeds their bodies to her dogs. If you think the Twice girls ramming their bulldozer through brick walls is hardcore, Jennie does _so_ much more. But I’d consider her a family friend since she is a frequent guest at our apartment, or at least I used to. Hang on, no wonder she’s been coming over so often to chat in Irene’s room. To chat, that’s what they’re calling scheming these days. She must have bewitched unnie with her cutesy charms. That grandma has a fatal weakness for pretty, younger women. Well, I saw Jennie as an unnie too. She gave me a (stolen) Gucci purse for my birthday so that made her okay in my books. But the great Detective Kim cannot be bribed, and no case is too big for Detective Kim. Sometimes when one door closes, another one opens.

             “Move, move, GET OUT OF MY WAY!” I screech while tearing the toilet door clean off its hinges with my enhanced strength.

             “Get out of _your_ way? How about you get out of _my_ bathroom while I’m inside, you wanker!” screams Joy with righteous fury to somehow compensate for being caught pants down (literally). “Here I am, just minding my own business on the bowl and a twat comes barrelling in. Privacy is dead,” she seethes.

             “Stop being a dramatic hoe. You’ve been in here for 10 minutes and if you didn’t gorge yourself on persimmons, you wouldn’t be so constipated. Now move your long ass legs, I need to borrow these for an emergency.” I wiggle past Joy to grab two toilet plungers, hastily running over the fallen door and out of the main door.

             “Hey Yeri can you fetch a toilet roll on your way out? Yah, you brat come back! I mean it!”

             Once outside the apartment, I stand directly beneath Irene’s window. Good thing I’m still in time as the phone conversation can be heard faintly. With loud squelch, I lodge the plungers firmly against our apartment’s exterior wall, one higher than the other, tugging experimentally to make sure they don’t lose suction and send me tumbling one storey down. And now, I climb. I know how to scale a wall, trust me I’ve watched YouTube tutorials. This would look less ridiculous if I had a grappling hook, but alas I sold the last one for an autographed copy of _Thank U, Next_. No regrets though, not even a single one.

             Once Irene’s window is within reach, I do a little leap up to grab on to the window ledge. Dangling from the second floor by my hands with my full body weight hanging loose isn’t ideal, but holding on long enough to bust their asses should be no problem—I mean, have you seen these guns? And now, I wait.

             “Please, Baechu-unnie? Pretty please with a pink Krunk on top?” Jennie’s whining can be heard over the phone.

             “That’s not gonna work. I don’t care for children’s toys.”

             “Fine then. Pretty please with a pretty woman on top?” she cajoles. This time, Irene weakly groans in embarrassment. “I’m your favourite dongsaeng. So do it for me, please? Or do it for Kai, he’s your old friend too”

              “I won’t do this _precisely_ because I love the both of you. This wouldn’t be any good for any of us. Jennie, you’re a smart girl and you _know_ this is true,” Irene chides her gently. Irene never scolds me with anything less than half disappointment, half belittlement and half rage. What a double standard. Pft.

             “All I know is that I really, really, really want Kai back. It’s been so long since I last saw him from your window, and you need to help me see him again!”

             Oh crap, that explains why Jennie is always rushing up to Irene’s room when she visits. The EXO gang lives next door, and Irene’s room is facing their apartment. I cautiously turn around, only to see Suho creepily waving from _his_ window. Don’t ask why is he here (why are _any_ of us here?). I’ll deal with him later; there’s no risk of him exposing me while the time loop is still on.

             “It’s not that I don’t want to help you, but my members are starting to suffer because of this,” reasons Irene. Damn right we are. “I have other duties to them besides cooking and Wendy is starting to notice that her potato salad stash is depleting.” Wait, are they still talking about the bomb?    

             “Baechu-unnie help me…”

             “No Jennie, I refuse to make any more sandwiches for you to slip in your sappy love notes to Kai,” Irene declares in her leader voice. When she uses the leader voice, there is absolutely no room for argument.

             “But you’re the best chef!”

             “But I also have three daughters and a bear to feed, and you’re not that bad at cooking. How hard is it to make your own sandwich? Or get Lisa’s stepdad to help you. Though seriously speaking, why are you so insistent on getting him back?”

             A silent tension hangs in the air. I’m having an increasingly hard time gripping on to the ledge. My fingers may be broad but I wasn’t prepared to hang outside for this long. This loop is yet another wild goose chase, but it’s not entirely wasted if Jennie spills some good tea. I’m always up for good tea. Whenever, wherever—even three metres off the ground.    

             “Jennie-ya, before you push forward, ask yourself: are you in love with Kai, or are you in love with the idea of _being_ in love?”

             More silent tension lingers. Irene makes a solid point there. I may be young, but a one-sided romance definitely doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.

             “You don’t have to answer me now, but you need to have an answer to this important question before you pursue a romantic relationship with anyone. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but you need good reasons to enter a relationship, not because he made your heart flutter or because he left butterflies in your stomach. That’s artificial love.”

             After a third long pause, Jennie finally speaks up. “You’re right”, she concedes. “I’ll sort my feelings out before anything else. But what about yourself?”

             “Me? What about me?”

             “You and Seulgi-unnie. It’s getting exhausting watching you two dance around each other. It’s been what, 10 years? And counting.”

             “Pft no…” Irene splutters. I snort at her awful denial. “We don’t dance around each other, except when performing ritual sacrifices, but we’re not dating. Not at all. Nope.”

             “Ha! I never said you guys are dating. I know that you’re not. Because all you ever do is circle cautiously around each other, doing this weird game of push-and-pull that’s too awkward to be platonic,” I can already visualise Jennie’s smug smile at calling Irene out. That’s the savage Jennie I know. “I only said you two are dancing, but your mind immediately thought of dating, because that’s what your heart desires, isn’t it?”

             “Yah! Don’t try to be smart with me, Kim Jennie,” Irene groans in defeat. “I’m still sorting my feelings out. It’s easier said than done really, there’s just a lot on my mind right now,” she says with resignation in her tone.

             “Do you want to talk about it? You should talk about it. Don’t give me the leaders-should-be-stoic bullshit again. You can talk to me if you’re not comfortable with your members knowing,” offers Jennie.

             “Ah…where do I begin? A lot has happened recently. Seungwan and Sooyoung finally got together. I’m happy for them, truly, but they’re in that touchy-feely honeymoon phase and inevitably this dynamic affects team missions. Just today they were too busy making out in the van that Wendy forgot to set the traps and ironically Joy ended up getting hurt later on. Unbelievable.”

             “You tell me. The same thing happened when Chichu first discovered her love for chicken. She ate all the skewers that was bait for the traps and we didn’t catch anything that night. It was so horrible, we nearly went to bed hungry if we didn’t call room service.”

             “Seriously? You and your first world problems. That’s not the same thing. At least you don’t have to disinfect a whole vehicle afterwards. Who knows what other surfaces they’ve done it on? But sanitising things is still easier than getting through the thick head of Kim Yerim,” Irene complains. Here we go again.

             “What did Yeri do this time? I’m sure it’s not _that_ bad.”

             “The little smartass accidentally shut Taeyeon-unnie down. She is still down as we speak, that’s why we’re speaking on the phone.”

             “Oh-kay, well that is bad.”

             “But the thing is, Yeri isn’t a bad kid at heart. There’s so much potential in her, she has more potential than me when I was her age—stop laughing, that wasn’t so long ago—but why can’t she take her duties seriously? ‘Yeri don’t mess with the magic candles.’ ‘Yeri no weapons inside the house.’ ‘Yeri stop bullying everyone else.’ ‘Yeri listen to me when I’m speaking to you.’ Is that too much to ask for? She’s been training to be a bounty-hunter since she was 11, but her mental age doesn’t seem to have grown much since then,” Irene ends her rant with a huff. She must have thrown down her leader’s beret as well as I hear the sound of hard fabric thumping against the floor.

             “Have you tried speaking to her about her behaviour?”

             “Of course I have, I just told her off this morn–”

             “Speak to her as in _talk_ to her as you would talk to a fellow adult, not in the way you’d _tell off_ a child. Yeri may be young, but I think she deserves that much, don’t you think so too?”

             “Yet another stretch of silence takes over the room. I wouldn’t have anything to say either, because I’m still reeling from Irene’s unfiltered opinion of me. Intellectually, I know that she still loves me. She always has. She loves all of us so much. But it’s hard to keep that in mind when all she seems to show is tough love and lots of anger at every mistake I make.  

             “You’re right Jennie. It’s hard for me to change my way of doings things, but I’ll try since–” Irene suddenly pauses midsentence, sharply drawing a breath that sounds like an angry hiss.

             “Hello? Unnie you there? Everything okay? You’re making that sound you make when you see a creepy man.”

             “I sense an intruder in my room,” Irene mutters icily. Crap, I think I’m busted. I hoist myself up, just enough to peek into the room, only to see her grabbing her glinting axe to arm herself. I immediately duck back down. Shit shit fuck where are the plungers? Why are they suddenly out of reach? Maybe if I stay completely still Irene wouldn’t find me.

             “Holy shit, there really is a man! How dare he place his grubby man-hands on my window ledge? Be right back, gonna cut a bitch.”

             Hey that hurts my feelings, but oh shit her footsteps are getting louder. “Stop! It’s only me, Yeri!” I reveal myself, just as her axe swings down towards my precious, definitely womanly-hands. I brace myself for the searing pain, but the only thing that comes is the concussive force of the explosion that sends me flying off the ledge. That’s a nicer way to go, to be honest.

 

⁂

 

             Once Irene’s tirade ends, I gather my thoughts to take stock of all my discoveries from the time loops thus far: the bomb is no inside job since everyone turned up cleaned, and I’ve checked everyone.

             Or have I?

             Kang Seulgi, I swear to god.  


	7. Chapter VII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously on Hedgehog Day,
> 
> Once Irene’s tirade ends, I gather my thoughts to take stock of all my discoveries from the time loops thus far: the bomb is no inside job since everyone turned up clean, and I’ve checked everyone.
> 
> Or have I?
> 
> Kang Seulgi, I swear to god. 

Note: quite a lot of f-bombs, implied sexytimes and a near suicide (skip the time loop after the scene with Haetnim and go right to the last line if you will)

**Chapter 7**

 

             To think _she_ , of all people, got us stuck in this time loop. And for what? Seulgi was the first friend I made down in the dungeon. Does the Dumb and Dumber Duo mean nothing to her anymore? Tch I can’t believe that Joy is actually right: as much as I hate to admit it, as much as it sucks to know it’s an inside job, but one just can’t be too careful about these things.

             But still goddammit, why didn’t I see Seulgi coming? The fact that she _just knows_ this is a case of Groundhog Day (when she usually knows nothing at all) and is so eager to help should have been a giant red flag. Ugh Kim Yerim why are you so stupid? No, no, it’s the fault of that stupid bear with her stupidly disarming smile and her stupidly encouraging words. When this is over I’m gonna smash all her Pringles and eat every vinyl she owns—wait, no, the other way round.

             The bottom line is: I’m going to shoot a bear if that’s the last thing I do.

             Then I’ll tear her from limb to limb.

             And maybe feed her remains to Haetnim.

             Now where the hell is my crossbow? A girl’s gotta arm herself if she’s confronting a sneaky bomber. If I die before the end of the time loop I might be dead for real (falling off Irene’s window just as the explosion happened was such a close shave). Cock, draw, nock. No one and nothing is faster than the legendary Kim Yerim’s arrow.

             Except for Joy’s revolver bullets.

             And maybe Irene’s throwing axe (if she’s aiming at a man).

             “Yoo-hoo, hey Seulgi-unnie? Unnie you there?” I call out in my smarmiest voice as I approach the infirmary. I kick the door down for the third time—I would have flung it open dramatically, but my hands are full from holding my crossbow.

             “Yah Kang Seulgi, here I come in three…two…one!”

             “For fuck’s sake Yeri! There’s a new thing that got invented, and it’s called, KNOCKING!” screams Joy with righteous fury to somehow compensate for being caught pants down (literally, again).

             “And would you consider, I don’t know, _not_ aiming an arrow in our faces?” Wendy shoots me a wary look from where she’s lying beneath Joy. “Yeri, what’s gotten into you? Why are you running around, half-crazed, with _that_? You need Seul for something?” Even in this awkward situation (and compromising position), Wendy is still as perceptive and as concerned as ever.

             “Eh, Seulgi-unnie wouldn’t happen to be hiding in here she, would she?”

             “Don’t ask stupid questions, you dumbfuck. Does it _look_ like she’s here in the room with _us_?” interjects Joy exasperatedly while making vague gestures at her and Wendy’s state of undress.

             “How would I know? You Team Rocket Trio have some really weird hobbies, like role-playing with latex police costumes and whips and other strange kinks. I wouldn’t put it past her to join y’all for org–”

             “Nope we are not going there!” Wendy answers quickly (a bit _too_ quickly if you ask me). “Tch how dare you think of your unnies this way, you horrible child! Seul is probably upstairs drawing, or listening to music, or doing some other perfectly PG activity.”  

             “Yeah if you got your bird brain out of the gutter for a moment, you’ll remember that Seulgi-unnie likes to snuggle under her woollen blankie after a mission,” scoffs Joy.

             I hate to admit that they both make good points. Why didn’t I think of searching Seulgi’s bedroom first? All the stress from being stuck in repeated time loops must have killed my last brain cell. I’m not gonna be outsmarted by a dumb bear on the account of my own oversight.

             “Come out Seulgi-unnie, get out of bed right now because I’ve something for you,” I coo in an eerie sing-song voice. “Fuck it, I’m gonna put a poisoned arrow through every can of Pringles you own if you don’t open this damned door right now!”

             No response. I jangle her room’s doorknob but it wouldn’t open. “Yah get your ass out here! You can’t hide forever!” I screech as I ram my shoulder against Seulgi’s room door with the full force of my 158cm frame. What’s with the unnies and locked doors? Pursuant to section 29, chapter 3 of Red Velvet’s house rules, doors shouldn’t be locked, except when members are undressed, for safety reasons. We’re a family so there’s really no reason to lock the rest of us out. Fuck it, I’ve only got two minutes left, no time to scale a wall. Guess this leaves no other choice but to do this the Kim Yerim way.  

             Retreating a safe distance from Seulgi’s door, I switch out my regular arrow for a small explosive bolt, my pride and joy from all the time spent tinkering while benched from field missions. There’s no problem in this world that cannot be solved by a little bboom bboom (or baam, whatever).

             “Kang Seulgi this is your final warning. Blasting your door till kingdom come in three…two…” I pull the trigger anyway. I’m good at shooting things up, not elementary school math.

             I’m unfortunately also good at catching couples in the middle of coitus. This time, I’m  walking in on the two people I consider my _parents_. For the love of all things good and holy, where is the bleach when I need it?

             Seulgi’s woollen blankie lies discarded on the floor, leaving nothing about the two bodies (still furiously going at it) to the imagination.

             Wait, when did Seulgi and Irene even get together? Not together just in a physical, intimate sense of their limbs being tangled together, but when did they start seeing each other? Not seeing each other naked, I mean, obviously with clothes on when they are dating in public like sensible adults. Hang on, were they even dating publicly this whole time? Why didn’t they tell us? Did they not trust us? It’s hardly a groundbreaking revelation since everyone and their grandma knows the two have been making heart eyes at each other since once upon a time (when Irene was still young). But oh lord they’re really going to break the ground with how hard they’re rocking Seul’s bed. The rocking and moaning combined makes them louder than the imminent explosion.

             Oh right, the explosion.        

             Just kill me now.  

 

⁂

 

             “Wait up Seulgi-unnie, don’t go back to your room yet,” I intercept her before she even walks up the stairs.

             “Yes Yerimie?” asks Seulgi, slightly confused at my abrupt entrance.

             “Groundhog Day. One hour,” I say dejectedly. Despite her usually oblivious nature, Seulgi immediately picks up on my exhaustion.

             “How many Groundhog Days has it been?” she asks solemnly.

             “Honestly? I don’t know. I’ve lost count a long time ago. I still don’t know who or what’s causing the loop. I’ve tried so hard but I’m not making any progress. This can’t be yet another thing I screw up.”

             “No Yeri, you’re not screwing this up. You won’t screw up. I have faith in you, okay?” Seulgi squeezes my hands in reassurance. “Sometimes it helps to step back, take a breather before approaching the problem with an energised mind. Everytime I get stuck on my paintings, I go out to eat some Pringles and when I get back, I’m suddenly full of inspiration again.”

             “Pft how hard can it be to paint Irene-unnie when you’ve painted her for only 10 years. Anyway, what are you actually suggesting?”  

             “One hour of fun without consequences!”

             The Dumb and Dumber Duo is back in action. Our first stop: the kitchen.

              “So what does the cupcake recipe call for next?” I turn to the head baker as she valiantly tries to stop the cauldron from overboiling.

             “Separate the laces from the sneakers, we only need the former. Then add a telephone into the cauldron and stir gently on low heat,” instructs Joy. “Seulgi-unnie can you fetch a bunch of fresh houseplants and for fuck’s sake, don’t lick the blender!”

             “Yes chef!” We both answer with a mock salute, Seulgi dropping the offending blender before sauntering off for ingredients.

             “Shall I also dust the finished cupcakes with my specialty icing sugar mix?”

             “The anthrax icing sugar? Damn Yeri, you’re deliciously evil, do you know that?”    

 

⁂

 

_“No more drama?” asked Yong, her usually strong voice quavering as large rivulets of tears slid down her smooth, mochi cheeks._

_“No more drama,” promised Byul. The taller woman gently pried the cereal box out of the older’s hands, setting it down gently on their dining table. There would be no need for violence in the future. Their future. “I’d never let you go again. Not until we are old and grey. Not until Wheein gets a growth spurt. Not until Hyejin joins a convent.”_

_And as Byul held on to Yong’s narrow waist, they made an everlasting promise to never let each other go. The moon is no longer chasing the sun, for they have finally found each other._

_The end._

             I close the last book in Wendy’s stash of erotic novels. The writing is okay, the smut scenes are pretty riveting, but the plot is cheesy as hell.

             Just the way I like it.

             Wendy does have good taste in _some_ things, after all.  

 

⁂

 

             “Yerimie, are you sure this is the right book?”

             “Duh, the urban dictionary is the leading instructional guide for learning English in uh, private schools in America. It’s a compulsory handbook for students,” I lie.

             “If you say so,” eye-smiles Seulgi. “Maybe this dictionary for urban people will finally teach me what ‘Netflix and Chill’ means. Joohyunnie has been asking me to do that at night on the couch every time no one else is home, but she should know better that we don’t have money for a Netflix subscription until we kill more pizza boys.”

             Oh Seulgi, you sweet summer bear.    

 

⁂

 

             A high-pitched shriek rings through the hall before Irene screams in satoori, “Yah, Park Sooyeah! Get your hell spawn away from me and back in its cage!”

             “For fuck’s sake, you don’t have to be rude to an innocent little puppy! Besides, I didn’t let her out of the kennel.”

             Yup, Joy didn’t set Haetnim loose on Irene. That was all me.

             The little Maltese puppy yelps excitedly at Irene, darting closer even as the poor woman is backed in a corner after trying (and failing) to maintain a safe distance.  

             “Unnie calm your tits. Haetnim likes you and just wants to play,” smirks Joy.

             As if to prove its satan mother’s point, Haetnim pounces towards Irene, pawing and yapping at the petrified woman.

             “Argh no, get away from me! Ouch, help a rabid dog bit me!”

             As if on cue, Seulgi dashes out (from nowhere) to the rescue. “Paging Doctor Son to the living room now! Hang in there Hyun-ah, Wannie will do everything in her power to save you!” weeps Seulgi as she cradles Irene’s body that has since collapsed to the floor in exaggerated agony.

             Joy rolls her eyes as she scoops Haetnim up. “Stop being dramatic, you weren’t even bitten; it’s just minor scratch. Happens all the time with young pups.”

             “It’s never ‘just a small minor scratch’ Joy! Open wounds can lead to tetanus and gangrene! What it Haetnim has rabies, did you think of that?” accuses Seulgi.

             “Watch it, don’t malign my sweet little pupper!”

             “Wow Seul I’m surprised you know what ‘tetanus’ and ‘gangrene’ are,” Wendy pipes up as she opens up her fully stocked med-kit, only to slap on a purple band-aid over Irene’s tiny wound.

             “This won’t do, let’s get you properly checked out in the infirmary,” Seulgi insists as she lovingly straps Irene onto the gurney.

             “Erm, I don’t think either of you want to be touching that gurney after the Wenjoy couple have been using it,”  I innocently suggest.

 

[TW start] ⁂ [TW start]

 

             “Omma do something, Yeri’s got my gun!”

             “Joy for the last time I don’t have a daughter like you, and how is it possible that she got your–holy shit Yeri don’t do anything rash okay?” Irene calmly approaches me with her hands raised. “Tell us what’s wrong, is there anything we can help you with? You don’t need to do this, Yeri-ah,” coaxed Irene in that tone she uses in hostage negotiations.

             This is a hostage situation; I’ve taken Joy’s revolver and aimed it at my own head. “Everything’s wrong! I’ve tried so many times but no matter what I do differently I die in the same way and I’m no closer to breaking out of this time loop and you guys probably have no idea what I’m saying and think I’ve gone crazy,” I wail loudly while pressing the muzzle against my temple.

             “Time loop? As in Groundhog Day?” asks Seulgi as she joins the commotion in the living room.

             “Not now Seul,” shushes Wendy.

             “Yes, just like Groundhog Day!” I exclaim. “I know you know that, I knew that many loops ago, but that still doesn’t get us closer to ending it. I’m all out of ideas. I don’t know what’s left for me to do. There’s nothing more for me to do. Nobody come any closer!”

             With that, I pull the trigger.

             Nothing happens. Joy’s revolver clicks harmlessly against my head.

             “Unlike some people, I actually comply with the rules on unloading all weapons when inside the house,” tuts Joy as she takes her gun back.  

[TW end]

             “I don’t think you’re crazy,” Irene blurts out amidst the diffusion of the stand-off.

             “You don’t?”

             “No. I won’t claim to understand what’s happening or what you’re going through, but I don’t think you’re crazy. Can you help me, help us understand what’s the situation here? Talk to us, Yeri,” says Irene sagely. The other three all nod.   

             “In previous time loops, have we joined forces to solve it as a team?” Irene asks with genuine curiosity.

             “No,” I mumble. Well that explains the failure rate a lot.


	8. Chapter VIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously on Hedgehog Day,
> 
> “No. I won’t claim to understand what’s happening or what you’re going through, but I don’t think you’re crazy. Can you help me, help us understand what’s the situation here? Talk to us, Yeri,” says Irene sagely. The other three all nod.  
> 
> “In previous time loops, have we joined forces to solve it as a team?” Irene asks with genuine curiosity.
> 
> “No,” I mumble. Well that explains the failure rate a lot.

             “Right, we’re gonna do what we should have done ages ago. Team huddle in the living room now!” commands Irene in her leader-voice as we gather around the coffee table. “Tell us everything you know.”

             “I know that you and Seulgi-unnie are–”

              “Relevant facts only!” Irene hastily adds. “First question, does anything significant happen? Anything that could have triggered this phenomena?”  

             I put on my serious thinking face and pace around the room, “Not to my knowledge. The explosion happens exactly one hour after the time loop starts, regardless of what transpires in each loop. None of us does anything during the hour that would have caused the explosion.”

             “So this whole time you’ve been going around on _who_ caused the explosion, but not _what_?” questions Joy.

             “Well I’m not an expert in explosives and frankly neither are you, so don’t ask me to discern the technicalities of bombings from afar,” I retort defensively.

             Wendy shoots her hand up, “From afar you say?”  

             “Yes. Not once was I caught in the epicentre, not even when I was hanging off the outside of Irene-unnie’s window.”

             “How did you end up outside my– ugh nevermind. Seul and Wan get the floor plan. Prepare to triangulate blast distance,” orders Irene with an authoritative clap of her (small) hands. Seulgi lays out the enlarged floor plan of the apartment on the coffee table and hands me a marker to do the honours.

             “I was in the piano room when the first explosion rang out. Then I was in the infirmary, and then in this very living room. The force of the explosion first felt different in Seulgi-unnie’s room. It took longer to reach me and the staircase shook before the walls did, so we can rule out the bomb being hidden on the entire second floor. After that I was in the kitchen and in the armoury, so we can cross out those two rooms too,” I deduce while marking black Xs on the floor plan.

             “Good work Yerimie, but can you recall the direction of the blast when in each room? Let’s pinpoint where the explosion originates from there,” suggests Seulgi as she rolls out the string and thumbtacks.

             That’s a tough question. I pace around faster as I thought harder, “The armoury experience is inconclusive as the walls are too heavily reinforced. In the living room the blast came from the opposite direction of the main door, so that confirms the theory that the bomb is not outside the house.

             “Oh my god!” Wendy interrupts with an excited scream. Everyone turns to our only member with a university degree (and an Obama award). “Seul put those away, I already know where the bomb is.”

             One glance at the floor plan is all it takes to show that the only remaining unmarked room on the ground floor, is the laundry room.    

             “Top notch detective work, Detective Kim,” Joy snickers. I slap her on the shoulder. In my defence, the nobody except Irene is allowed into her sacred laundry room. There’s no reason to think the bomb is in there, and I respect house rules too, okay?

             “Kids, stop fighting,” ordered the owner of said laundry room. We snap to attention as our leader draws to the full imposing height of her 158cm stature, putting on her beret with a flourish. “Everyone grab your weapons and assemble back here, Operation Laundry is a go!”

             In five short minutes, we’re locked and loaded and trying our damned best to jangle open the laundry room’s door.

             “Unnie where’s the key? Why did you have to lock the door?” I whine.

             “There’s no key; there never was! Can’t you see there’s no lock? The door’s just stuck for some damned reason,” seethes Irene. “Joy, do your thing!”

             Joy fires her revolver at the door knob. Everyone flinches at the noise, but the bullet only ricochets off harmlessly.

             “A little bit of warning please? Now we’ve all got tinnitus because of you!”

             “Wow Seul I’m surprised you know what ‘tinnitus’ is,” chirps Wendy before explaining, “Tinnitus is a common condition of perceiving noise or a ringing in the ears–”

             “Thank you Dr Son, but nobody asked and nobody cares,” I shut her up with a death glare. “The sound of your voice is making the ringing louder.”

             “Holy shit Yerimie, you’re right! The ringing _is_ getting louder!”

             “Seul, that was a figure of speech.”

             “No I’m serious you guys! There’s an audible ringing sound coming from inside,” insists Seulgi.

             We all press our ears against the door. Well crap, the bear is right. And besides a high-pitched ring, erratic shuffling can be heard too.

             Someone—someone besides the five of us—is in this apartment and hiding behind this door.

             “Stand back!” Irene yells. We jump out of the way just as she swings her axe down, hacking the wood of the door to pieces. Taeyeon won’t be happy to fix the damage when she gets back online.

             The inside of the laundry room is a complete mess. Irene would never leave it in such disarray. The ringing gets louder, and so does the shuffling. Both seem to come from a particularly overflowing laundry basket.

             “On my signal, Seulgi go forth and run your dagger through the pile of clothes.”

             “Yes ma’am!”

             “Stop! That won’t be necessary!” yells the pile of clothes. Yells a voice _from_ the pile of clothes. A rather familiar voice at that. The shuffling intensifies as a figure scrambles out of the laundry basket, falling flat on her bunny teeth as she trips over the mess.

             “Im Nayeon? The fuck are you doing here?!” we screech in unison.

             “Oh thank god you guys found me! Fucking finally, I’ve been stuck here for nearly a day!”

             “Don’t deflect, you’re answering our questions first Nabongs. What are you doing sneaking into our house and locking yourself in our laundry room?” glowers Irene.  

             “Hey old lady, don’t go around accusing me of breaking and entering! I sincerely have no idea why I’m in your house. I was just having my usual morning quarrel with Jeong in our bedroom when next thing I know, I’m teleported into this dump with no way out. There’s higher magic at work here. I called my other eight losers for help but the magical barrier is strong enough to block my phone signal. Trust me guys, I won’t swim in a bin full of your ugly mismatched outfits, given half the choice.”

             “Fair enough, but what’s that ringing stick in your hand?” I point out. Immediately, everyone pounces on Nayeon: Joy tackles her face to meet the floor (again), Seulgi grabs Nayeon in a headlock, Irene and Wendy strike her in the only place they can reach—her kneecaps. Because nothing seems more suspicious than a shiny metal cylinder emitting a high-pitched ring while flashing bright red.

             “Is that a bomb!” asks Joy with decidedly absolute certainty that Nayeon is indeed, holding a bomb.

             “Don’t be stupid, of course it’s not! Stop it guys, argh my knees! Let me go before–”

             Before Nayeon can finish her sentence, I fire a crossbow bolt dead in the centre of her metal cylinder, piercing the circuitry and shutting it off. Permanently.  

             “Yah Kim Yerim! You’ve destroyed my chrono-repeator! Good fucking job, because that’s the only thing keeping us alive in this time loop!”

             Wendy stops punching Nayeon’s legs long enough to ask, “Your chrono what?”

             “My chrono-repeator. Works by rewinding time. Right before the bomb blows, I use it to rewind back to the start of the hour to save all of us. One hour isn’t much time, but that’s the farthest back my powers can stretch. I had hoped someone on the outside would have found the bomb and disarmed it by now, but looks like that isn’t the case,” groans Nayeon. “Now we’ve only got 20 minutes left to find and stop the bomb behind we die. Permanently.”


	9. Chapter IX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously on Hedgehog Day,
> 
> “Your chrono what?”  
> “My chrono-repeator,” groans Nayeon. “Works by rewinding time. Right before the bomb blows, I use it to rewind back to the start of the hour to save all of us. One hour isn’t much, but that’s the farthest back my powers can stretch. Now we’ve only got 20 minutes left to find and stop the bomb behind we die. Permanently.”

 

             A moment of grave silence befalls the laundry room. Irene is numb. Seulgi starts to ugly cry. Wendy’s jaw is on the floor. Joy has run out of swear words to use.

             Nayeon is the first to break the tension she caused. “I happen to have something that can help. I always carry a black powder detector, Minari made this because when you’re as pretty as me, you face bomb threats every other day,” she flicks her long red hair to emphasise her (invalid) point. “I haven’t had the chance to use it around the rest of your apartment, but if we’re dealing with a conventional gunpowder-based explosive, I’ll find it in no time.”

             “Please,” is all I manage to shakily breathe out. We rush outside, nearly tripping over one another to get out in the open for Nayeon to do her thing.

             “So according to my calculations, the readings are highest in the living room.”

             “Are you sure Nabongs? That’s the most exposed area in the whole house! You’re saying that the bomb was right under our noses this whole time? How reliable is this piece of junk metal?” doubts Irene.

             “Hey, don’t insult my technology. This is made in Japan!”

             “Erm guys,” Wendy interrupts. “The detector is _really_ going off in the direction of Haetnim’s kennel.”

             This snaps all of us to attention. Joy just snaps in general. “What sick and twisted monster targets my innocent baby!” She picks up the kennel with her bare hands and sure enough, a bomb is taped on the back. The little Maltese puppy trots over, barking happily at having so many humans paying her attention, oblivious to our impending demise. Nayeon coos at having a dog to play with, while Seulgi takes a protective step in front of Irene before Haetnim gets any nearer.  

             “Erm not to be that guy again, but we only have 10 minutes left. We’ve found the bomb–”

             “ _I_ found the bomb,” corrects Nayeon, not even looking up from giving Haetnim belly rubs.

             “Whatever,” Wendy huffs at being interrupted. “But what shall we do next?”

             “Cut the wires! Well, cut _some_ wires. It’s always the red one in the movies,” suggests Seulgi while hurriedly drawing her dagger.

             “Put that knife away and don’t be stupid. That’s not how it works in real life,” Joy tuts. “We have better odds taking the bomb fucking far away to detonate at a safe distance, than risk cutting the wrong wire and dying instantly.”

             I check the clock. “But how far can we go in– eight minutes and forty seconds?”

             “How far can you throw?” counter-asks Nayeon.

             Wendy immediately cuts in, “Nope we are not throwing bombs around this neighbourhood. The SM district is very densely populated. No matter which direction you throw it in, it’s gonna hit one of Taeyong’s 20 kids.”

             “You’re a hazard to society,” smirks Joy.

             Seulgi’s eyes light up. “Take it away in my car! It’s a little banged up with werewolf scratches from an old hunt, but with a top speed of 120 kilometres per hour, it can travel at least 10 klick out. That’s safe enough for a blast radius!”

             “You brave, selfless idiot! The math is not that straightforward and you have to halve that distance if you plan on driving yourself back to us! As the leader, I forbid you from sacrificing yourself!” wails Irene, holding Seulgi back in the tightest back hug. Why are my parents so dramatic?  

             “And besides, I might have lent your car to Chaeyoung, who might or might not have crashed it when she was driving without a seatbelt,” adds Joy with the most remorse she can muster (which is not very much at all).   

             “What the hell, how could you endanger my baby Chae?” berates Nayeon.

             “Not your Chaeyoung. The other Chaeyoung. _Park_ Chaeyoung.”

             “Doesn’t make it any better! Park Sooyoung, _you_ are the hazard to society!”

             “Oh my god just shut up! All of you! We’re wasting time!” I finally snap, raising my voice at the unnies to drown out everyone’s nonsense. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I glance towards the piano room and see that the candles are still where I had left them this morning—lining the circumference of the piano itself—and then back to the ticking time bomb in Joy’s hand.

             Here goes nothing. It’s time to be bold.

             “Give me the bomb. I have a plan to save you guys,” I declare in my bravest voice.

             “Oh really, tell us about it?”

              I take one last nervous look at the clock. “Long story short: we might not have Taeyeon-unnie, but we still have the summoning candles. Those are magical too!”

             Wendy hums in thought, but without waiting for approval, I snatch the bomb off Joy’s hands and run ahead of the others to the piano room before anyone could reject my plan. Once inside, I light all the pink candles. They come to life with a plume of pink smoke just as I climb on to seat myself and the bomb on the piano lid. The room is engulfed in a fog of pastel rose pink, rendering everything inside barely visible.  

             “Wait a minute, what’s Yerimie doing? I can’t see! Why isn’t she coming out?” panics Seulgi.

             “Just leave the bomb and get out by yourself, you…you _twit_!” You know Joy is genuinely afraid when she can’t even dish insults properly.

             “Erm I really don’t mean to bring bad news, but Yeri’s plan makes no sense. That’s not how summoning candles work like, at all. They can only _summon_ a stronger spiritual force, like Taeyeon-unnie, since she’s pure spiritual energy. Candles are just conduits for higher magic. They have no power in and of themselves. All there is, is lots of pink smoke, but pink smoke alone cannot shield an explosion,” Wendy’s explanation trails off into a mortified whisper.  

             “So without Taeyeon-unnie…”

             “…we have no spirit energy capable of containing the blast…”

             “…unless Yeri offers her soul in return for…” No one dares to complete that sentence when the implications are harrowingly obvious.

             Except for Nayeon. “For replacing Taeyeon-unnie in the candles and gaining spirit guardian powers to save the rest of us.”

             Joy slaps her on the arm and snatches Haetnim back, completely scandalised at Nayeon’s audacity to speak of her member’s death. Seulgi is crying even uglier than before, with Wendy joining in. Irene throws her beret on the floor and stomps on it. “What are we still doing here? We’ve got a family member to save, go and stop that crazy kid!”

             Everyone makes a mad dash for the piano room, but the choking thick cloud keeps them out. Pink smoke is at least powerful enough for that.

             “It’s no good, we can’t go beyond the threshold,” Wendy coughs as the smoke threatens to suffocate her.

             Seulgi windmills her arms in a desperate attempt to fan the fumes out. “I can’t see a thing!” she squints her best squint. “Sooyoung, try to shoot the candles out.”

             “No fucking way! Do you want Yeri live on as a spirit guardian, or die instantly from blind friendly fire?”

             “How about neither?” Irene rasps. “Kim Yerimeh, as your leader I order you to come out this instant! You don’t get to sacrifice yourself for the rest of us!” But Irene’s command is too full of concern to be commanding.

             “Just teleport your maknae out,” suggests Nayeon unhelpfully. “Oh wait, you need spirit energy to do that.”

             “Just shut up Im Nayeon,” snaps all four of them. Haetnim yips in agreement.

             With a minute left on the clock, I do one last good deed (not that I did many firsts) for my team (and Nabongs). Wendy’s deduction is correct, as expected of our resident genius. As a last resort, I’m attempting the soul transfer spell—Zimzalabim. Obviously I’ve never done it before, but in all my free time while benched from missions, I’ve done lots of reading and know how to do it.

             In theory that is.

             If this fails, as all my previous plans have failed, please understand that I’ve tried my damned best.

             I know my best has never been good enough, but I really don’t wish it to be true this time.

             Just this once.

             Please.

             Well, here goes nothing.

             I hope I make you guys proud.

             I resolutely grab a candle flame with my bare hands. Surprisingly, it doesn’t hurt, but I feel my life force rapidly rush out of me, turning the pink smoke purple. Purple, the colour of my aura, that’s the sign that it’s working!

             But it’s not over yet, I’ve to recite an incantation to complete the soul transfer. Got to do it quickly before the candles drain me. “Zimzalabim, zim-zimzalabim…”

             On the other side, Wendy looks on with her mouth gaping in horror. “Oh my god, this can’t be happening. Yeri’s really going through with it.”

             “Baby Yerimie, please! You don’t have to do this! Come out and let us try together!”

             “Dammit Jihyo, pick up your phone! I really could use your help right now.”

             “For fuck’s sake what makes you think you need to pull a heroic sacrifice? You already are a fucking hero, Yeri!”

             “If you still consider yourself my daughter–”

             “…Zim-zimzalabim zim-zim!”

             My body falls limply to the side, falling nicely atop the bomb to cover it—you can never say no to extra insulation. My last wisps of consciousness are siphoned out of my corporeal form and into the surrounding smoke. Then, I register the sudden silence from the bomb beneath me.

             The ticking has stopped.

             But there’s no concussive force. No blazing fires. No crumbling apartment walls.

             Then whatever’s left of me is consumed by smoke.

 

⁂

 

             I don’t know what happens next. In the sense that I don’t _know_ what’s going on here and now. No one taught me how to control my spiritual form. The spell books do not teach spirit guardian-ing. But in any case, I hope my members are safe and aren’t too upset at the outcome. Outcome, that’s a mild way of putting it. It feels too easy though, that the bomb stopped itself without spirit-me exerting any spirit powers. That wasn’t supposed to happen. I don’t even know _how_ to work my current form, but baby steps Kim Yerim. I cautiously open (what I think are) my eyes.

             That’s weird. My physical body is completely unharmed and intact. What’s weirder? I’m not alone.  

             The smoke clears for a petite, blonde woman. She’s got elven features and a knowing look on her delicate face. But I don’t recognise her, and I’d remember a pretty face like that (even if she’s shorter and older than me).

             “You’ve finally made it, my favourite dongsaeng.”

             I know this voice. I’ve heard it many times when I needed help around the house or when I’m bored when left home alone during missions.

             “Taeyeon-unnie?”


	10. Chapter X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously on Hedgehog Day,
> 
> I’m not alone. 
> 
> The smoke clears for a petite, blonde woman. She’s got elven features and a knowing look on her delicate face. But I don’t recognise her, and I’m sure I’d remember a face as pretty as that (even if she’s shorter and older than me).
> 
> “You’ve finally made it, my favourite dongsaeng.”
> 
> I know this voice. I’ve heard it many times when I needed help around the house or when I’m bored when left home alone during missions.

**Chapter 10**

 

             “Taeyeon-unnie?”

             “That’s me! You’re a bright one Yerimie, I knew you’d recognise my voice. You’ve always been a bright kid,” the woman now known as Taeyeon beams so wide, her eyes scrunch together (reminds me of Seulgi). But who knew spirit guardians can take on physical forms?

             “You must be wondering how I can take on a physical form,” Taeyeon begins. Oh hell no, she can read minds too?

             “And I also know what you must be thinking—no, guardians cannot read minds,” she winks. At this point I’ve abandoned all conventional logic. And most of my sanity. There is no end in sight to this morning’s madness.

             “So, you must be thinking: How am I real? What just happened? _How are you still alive?_ ”

             I stare at Taeyeon expectantly. “Erm, I hope those aren’t rhetorical questions, because I really need answers.”

             She lets out an unladylike guffaw (reminds of Irene), before gathering some pink smoke for a dramatic wave. “Soweoneul malhae bwa!”

             “What are you doing now? I just wish to get back home–”

             “And your wish has come true!” Taeyeon smiles while gesturing around us. The smoke clears to reveal us back inside our apartment. Our apartment that is unharmed by the bomb. Unharmed in every single way.  

             “Holy shit, that’s some next level magic! I’m not even gonna ask how you did that, because screw the laws of physics. But why are we in the infirmary? And more importantly, why is there another me lying on the gurney?” I run over and shake my other self vigorously. That’s definitely my doppelganger, but she is not stirring. _Why_ is she not stirring? How can there be two of me anyway? That person looks exactly like me, except with a gauze over her right palm. What on earth happened to me?

             “Hey now, there’s no need to be alarmed,” Taeyeon gently pulls me away from the gurney, “That, is the real you in the physical world. The Kim Yerim talking to me now is just a projection of your mind in the spirit world.”

             I let that sink in awhile. “So my mind has been separated from my body?”

             “Yes.”

             “But right now both are in the spirit world?”

             “Yes!”

             “Really? There are _spirit_ worlds now?”

             “Why do you sound so surprised? You’ve seen werewolves, oompa loompas, and white pizza boys.”

             I throw my arms up in frustration. “Those were not oompa loompas! But that’s not the point. I need to get this straight–”

             “None of us are straight,” Taeyeon giggles.

             I pause to glare at her. “You’ve waited a long time to use that joke right?”

             Taeyeon’s giggle turns into another guffaw.

             “Please unnie I’m begging you, just give me a direct answer to what the fuck is going on here. If the apartment is still standing in the physical world, does that mean all the explosions, shenanigans and adult activities happened only in the spirit world? Right here?”

             “Yes, yes, likely not.”

             I choose to avoid that devious twinkle in Taeyeon’s eyes. “Which means once my mind gets back to my body, all will be right and good once more? Everyone will be safe and sound?”

             “Bingo! I knew you are a smart kid,” Taeyeon breaks out a wide smile.  

             “But that still doesn’t explain why I’m knocked out and injured in the infirmary. How did I get here in the first place?”

             “Right…about that,” Taeyeon twiddles her thumbs, suddenly looking sheepish. “I transported your consciousness here after you fainted from pain. I had to be _very_ precise when superheating the candle wax so the burn on your palm would be _just_ bad enough to turn your lights out, but not leave any permanent damage. Nothing your enhanced healing can’t fix by the end of the day. Guess it worked heh!”  

             Hang on a second. So the molten wax running off the defective candles in the piano room did more than cause a scald. I did more than just scream from the pain but completely pass out. “Were the candles even defective in the first place?” I narrow my eyes at Taeyeon.  

             “Sorry for getting you into trouble with Joohyun this morning,” she deflects. “It’ll probably please you to know that the candles are completely fine, I guarantee that. I just needed a plan to get you into the spirit world, and that was a convenient set-up,” Taeyeon adds nervously.

             If I’m not hopping mad I would be freaked out by how she can anticipate my next question.

             But I _am_ hopping mad.

             “Pardon my language: what the everloving _fuck_ are you playing at? Is five people repeatedly dying just a joke to you?!” I screech. My money doesn’t go into the swear jar if I’m not cursing in the real world. And I have much bigger fish to fry. As always, I’m the only one who has got my priorities straight.

             “Hey, hey Yerimie calm down and let me explain. I did this for a good reason okay? I did this for your own good.”

             I roll my eyes to the back of my head (Joy would be impressed). “You hags always say everything you do—that I disagree with—is for _my_ own good. Benching me is for my own good. Lecturing me is for my own good. Now burning me to induce a coma just to start a frankly infuriating time loop is also for my own. Damned. Good!

             Taeyeon shrinks her 158cm frame even smaller at my outburst. “Hmm when you put it that way, you make some good points.”

             My eyes stay rolled. Of fucking course I make good points. I’ve more sense than these people and how _dare_ they treat me like some dumb kid.

             “Yeri-ah, all I wanted to do was to give you a chance to see that you already are a hero. Hence this simulation for you to flex your abilities without fear of permanent consequences. That’s truly all I wanted for you. In hindsight, this simulation was traumatising. I really should have held back my extra tendencies, and for that I sincerely apologise. This whole episode was meant to help you, not to hurt you. It breaks my heart to see you so hung up over proving yourself to the rest of the girls, when there’s really no need to seek external validation. We all know you’re perfectly capable. And you’ve proved that in every time loop—except the ones where you messed with the others for fun. Entering the armoury needed really good planning and your wall-climbing skills have improved so much. I digress. The point is, you don’t need to go on big field missions to prove what everyone already knows. I don’t always agree with Joohyun’s methods, it’s not my place as a house spirit to defy her, though it’s a bit much to keep you sheltered from the realities of bounty hunting for so long. But no matter what, your leader means well. This is a dangerous line of work and she wants to keep you safe for as long as she can. They all do.”

             I sigh a loud sigh. It’s hard to stay mad at any of the unnies. “Guess we all have a bit of character growth to do huh?” I say reassuringly.

             Taeyeon smiles slightly. “I guess we really do.”

             “But I still have a question. The events concerning the other members, did those really happen?”

             “Seungwan definitely has a porn stash in the armoury,” Taeyeon answers without missing a beat. Well that’s good to know. I still haven’t decided if Wendy is cool for having smutty novels, or embarrassing for hiding what most adults have. Nah, who am I kidding? Wendy will always be embarrassing.

             “So it’s true that she and Joy-unnie and the other couple are…” I trail off to let the implications linger in the air.

             “Are fucking? The younger ones definitely are, it’s only natural since they’ve been dating a while now. But everything you have seen them do in the spirit world is just an extrapolation based on what they’ve already done in the real world. It’s what they’ll likely do given such circumstances, given their personalities and inclinations.”

             “So Irene-unnie and Seulgi-unnie have not gotten together in the real world?” I ask for confirmation.

             “Nope,” Taeyeon pops the ‘p’.

             Dammit, they are still dancing around each other after 10 years.

             Taeyeon catches my look of frustration. “More of _not yet_. I’m not too worried about them. If they had what it takes in the spirit world, it’s only a matter of time they’d do it again. For real this time. You’ll see it soon enough once I send your mind back into your body.”

             Do I want to see them doing it again?

             Nope. Not at all.    

             Taeyeon gathers another pink mist to do her magic, but I still have one more question to ask. “And what about Nayeon? What was her role in my character development?”

             “Oh, nothing at all. I’ve always wanted to stuff Nabongs in a laundry basket for fun,” Taeyeon cackles before engulfing us in smoke.

 

⁂

 

             “Omo, her finger is twitching! Paging Doctor Son to the infirmary now, Yerimie is waking!”

             As I slowly come to, I vaguely register a commotion and the frantic smashing of the emergency call button.

             “Calm down Seulgi-ya, Taeyeon-unnie says she just fainted from shock. She’s going to be just fine,” came Irene’s gentle voice (that she never uses on me).

             The ruckus starts again when the infirmary doors fling wide open and Joy stomps in. Wendy dashes in a few seconds later as she struggles to button up her very wrinkled shirt that certainly wasn’t wrinkled this morning.

             “Everyone please don’t crowd around the patient, she needs fresh air” Taeyeon’s gentle but firm voice comes from somewhere up in the air. Our spirit guardian is back.

             “Glad to see you’ve finally decided to join us in the realm of the living.”

             “Yah Park Sooyeah don’t be rude!”

             “Yeri how are you feeling?” asks Wendy in her professional doctor’s voice. “You sustained a second degree burn on your right palm while fixing the candles and lost consciousness immediately.”

             “You were out for the past hour, you really scared us there!” whimpers Seulgi as Irene pats her back reassuringly.

             “Uh, I’m feeling much better now. My head feels fine though my palm still hurts a little–”

             “It will go away within the day,” interrupts Taeyeon.

             Wendy looks at me and the pink cloud above me curiously. “Unnie isn’t wrong that the burn will heal soon. That’s not a big concern. What I don’t understand is how you can walk away after falling off a diving board and getting shot during a crossbow practice but faint after a moderate burn.”

             “It be like that sometimes,” Taeyeon asserts with finality. Everyone just shrugs. Who can disagree with the judgement of the wise old guardian?

             “If you’re feeling up for it Yeri, let’s all go grab lunch. You need to keep your strength up when you’re recovering,” Irene declares.  

             “Oh boy I’m always a slut for McDonald’s!” I do a back flip off the gurney. Everyone laughs. Irene groans.

             “Just get your ass to the kitchen. And drop ₩4000 into the swear jar.”

 

⁂

 

             “McDonald’s! McDonald’s! McDonald’s!” I lead Joy in chanting and banging our fists on the dining table.

             “For the love of God Jihyo, I told you spawns that we have food at home,” Irene yells over us as she wrings her beret.

             “Yay the delivery man’s here!” I perk up as soon as the doorbell rings. Wendy goes to answer it as the both of us are still injured. Irene just groans again.

             Wendy shakes her head as she enters the kitchen. “Pretty sure all delivery companies have our address blacklisted since the pizza incident. It was Jongin at the door. Dumped an armful of sandwiches on me, then left without a word.”

             What a waste of Irene’s perfectly good sandwiches. Only Jennie and I appreciate them.

             “Ahem anyway,” Irene clears her throat unnecessary loudly. “That isn’t important. As I said, we have food at home. Seulgi is already making sujebi for us so we can have a healthy lunch like a proper family. Isn’t that awfully kind of her?”

             “No, that’s just plain awful,” grumbles Joy.

             “Yah Park Sooyeah you ungrateful child!”

             “Omo what’s the matter? My sujebi tastes great, unnie always says so!” Seulgi shouts over the racket of her soup boiling too violently.

             “You can’t trust the opinion of someone who’s whipped for you. I’ll be honest, your cooking tastes wonky and there’s too much chili. Probably to disguise the wonky flavour.”

             Seulgi pouts. Her top lip wobbles as if she’s on the verge of ugly crying.

             “You will eat it, and you will like it.” Irene glowers at Joy while simultaneously backhugging Seulgi. I give them until tonight before they go at each other in the bedroom. And I will be far, far away when that happens.

             “Is that sujebi that you’re making? Me likey!” Nayeon announces as she walks over to the stove to scoop herself a bowl.    

             All commotion immediately ceases.

             “Im Nayeon? The fuck are you doing here?!” we screech in unison.

 

⁂

 

The End

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \--
> 
> Author's notes (it's finally completed!):
> 
> If you've made it this far, you are the real MVP for supporting this fic over all these months. I can't adequately express how grateful I am for everyone who has given this story your time of the day, and I especially treasure all your comments. Apologies for the updates getting more and more spaced out towards the end. I had finally made up my mind to make a career switch to leave a company (and an industry) that's frankly exploitative, and gone for many job interviews, only to be offered a promotion at my current workplace. Life throws some really mean curveballs. 
> 
> But I digress. I've written a lot for school and work, and gradually found myself resenting the act of writing (which is a horrible realisation to come to when I used to love writing so much) Hedgehog Day was my solution to that. I'll write something really silly, really full of shit, in the kind of language that's completely NSFW to make myself fall in love with writing again. And so far it's working. I hope to be back really soon with another story and if you guys want to talk, come find me on the blue bird app or curious cat.
> 
> Until next time,
> 
> Linden


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